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Sophistication

Missing image






the veneer of sophistication
slips occasionally...usually
in those quiet moments when
husky tones waver nervously


insecurity peeps out and
there's a certain look that
escapes through fluttering lashes
but it never lasts for long


a breath, perhaps a sigh
then I glance idly towards
a spot just left of your
right shoulder and smile


no one really notices
least of all you because
they're all mesmerised by
my witty social commentaries


flashing eyes and knowing looks
can hide a million tiny quirks
all you see is designer clothes and
the smoke curling from my cigarette


you never see me...

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Image # 4

100 words


A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oh, this one, yes, and indeed well deserving of gold.


  • parenchma
    October 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i am glaad to see you do such a wonderful job with the photo.


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is brilliant Mum, great descriptions, strong imagery

    lov'd this --

    a breath, perhaps a sigh
    then I glance idly towards
    a spot just left of your
    right shoulder and smile



    You gave the picture so much, this is awesomeness


    Hope you do well
    Cind's

  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very well penned Margaret, it shows that you have your finger on the pulse of society in that your perception of social relations is quite adept. Well done dear and all the best in the contest.


    With much love,
    mj.


  • liltandrhyme silver member
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the tightrope you walk here between the poetic and the narrative/prosaic. There are some wonderful lyrical moments, without pushing the whole alliteration/assonance/consonance thing.

    The result is a cameo 'storyboard' of a moment in 'society' with a delicious after-taste of the phraseology used.

    The final line/stanza really spills the beans, the vulnerability behind the veneer of sophistication.

    Read as is, or in conjunct with the contest prompt, an absolutely gorgeous write.

    PJ

    • Margaret Denham gold member
      September 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you PJ

      This is high praise coming from a poet who moved me to tears with your beautiful entry in my last contest.

      There are times when I tend to write in a narrative/conversational style and others when I drift towards the more romantic. I'm learning more with each line I write and I guess as long as I can continue in that vein the words will keep flowing.

      Margaret


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    excellent M , MEN SEE SO LITTLe good luck x

1 - 8 of 8