Like autumn leaves scuttling before
the chill of a winter wind
I fall
A contest entry
- Jisei by Auburn Sunrise.
520 points, ended September 29, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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you know.. this took me someplace so cool...
i understand the nature (lol) literally of this..
but i am drawn to men and women and life or death
i am drawn to look under the pile of leaves in front of me to find someone in many places...
one place was of panic
the other of love
the other of pain
ohhh just where i went in this peon of a brain
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Though I don't always favour pictures with these short, epigrammatic Japanese forms, I like this one. Silver birch abound where I live.
The poem: although the analogy between death and falling leaves is familiar and well-used, this is still an effective piece. A well-earned gold.
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Mairi,
Thanks for your kind comment. I appreciate you reading.
Joe
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I Like It Joe
The picture is beautiful - I am looking out my window now and see the autumn leaves falling from the trees - your little short verse is heartwarming - keep on keeping on - Bless God - Joe ------------------------------- hagd
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This is as good as gold...
the leaves, the words, the trophy.
Well written.
Buddy
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Buddy
Thank you. I appreciate your commenting on my work.
Joe
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Beautiful Gold!
Congratulations!
Love
Myra
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Myra
Thank you.
Joe
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Very nice, you captured what we all see but don't always notice.
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Thank you.
Joe
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This does read off like the example jisei Allie had.
However...I think in L2, you should lose the period and replace it with a comma after 'wind', which would make it read more smoothly, as opposed to sounding over-punctuated.
e.g. "Like autumn leaves scuttling before
the chill of a winter wind,
I fall."
Of course...I'm inclined to zero punctuation (save for hyphens and dashes), but I think it'd work here with only one period.
Good luck
Fe
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I think that was an excellent suggestion
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Thanks for reading. I accidently deleated your other comment, trying to reply. Im such a goof.
Joe
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Jessica
I just dropped the punctuation. Didn't have to go on a diet either.
Thanks for reading.
Joe
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I love this...
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Tara,
Your comments are the roses in life.
Thanks for reading,
Joe
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