I heard you contemplating so far beyond
Just thinking about it all
And it seems to scare you more than
I ever would before
And I'm a little anxious
But I don't know why
Trying to find me an answer that
Fits inside my head
Trying to wish away the subtleties
Wishing you would stay in bed
And I'm a little cautious
But I don't know why
Where the sky meets the sea
We'll be different just you see
Broken lines can only breakthrough
Heaven and shades of blue
I stumble when you're shaking I break when you're
Breaking away from it all
I hide when you're hiding, and I can't
Spend all my time holding on
And I'm a little nervous
But I don't know why
Where the sky meets the sea
We'll be different just you see
Broken lines can only breakthrough
Heaven and shades of blue
Author notes
Prompts: water, the ocean and the sun
While it isn't specifically about these, I kind of combined them to make up a place. I hope you like it
A contest entry
- -Bohemian Rhapsody- by sailor ptolema.
1100 points, ended October 9, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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how lyrical
. is this a song? because it sounds like one . i really liked this, a lot.
thanks for entering
pt
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It is a song but I didn't know how to write the solo.
I'm glad you liked it!
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Bandit appreciation!
Thank you for contributing to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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the way that you broke each sentence was very original, your description was well done, and the imagery fresh, great write, i really enjoyed this piece!
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Where the sky meets the sea... such a beautiful place... and you capture this very well, I think. Thank you for sharing this with us
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My favorite line was 'and I'm a little anxious' - and I love the continuation of the 'you're / Breaking' this is a wonderful song and I really love the way you are improving hand over fist (so to speak
) - fabulous!
Keep writing
Polly
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You have written a curious poem using water, the ocean and the sun as your prompt springboard. Your personal relationship perspective runs through this poem like the river in the valley, cleverly crafted, interesting read.
Dennis
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Very good!
Is this poem in a form I don't realize? It's most original and imaginative! I think the poem's imagery is excellent and well developed. The rhymes help the e rhythm! Good work!
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No form. It's a song. Thanks for the interest
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Good write!
Like the flow, the expression of emotion, the perplexities that leave the reader having to fill in the story while you give the borders! Fine work here.
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Great imagery! And leaves a lot to the imagination. Great job!
Love & Light
Debbera
God luck in the contest!
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i really like how you took the prompts and incorperated all of them into your title and made up a place for the setting. and you went beyond and then explained the metaphor and images behind this place. i absolutely love the chorus; its so vivid and the language is so surreal.
great poem and good luck in the contest!
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Great job here. I love the descriptions the best! good luck in the contest!
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