Brick by Brick

A rope is securely fastened around my head.
Hanging does not satisfy my hunger for death,
That is, If you were wondering.
I tie bricks to the rope.
Dark red bricks,
Light red bricks,
Bricks with an odd tent to them.
I tie them to the rope that is fastened around my neck.

People say I am depressed.
People say I am a mess.
People say I am hopeless.
I believe them.
Why should I not?
I can hardly walk as I drag myself through the yard.
My own cross.

People laugh at me when I am in school.
I am idiot they say
And my tears drown out the hate in the bathroom.
I want to be normal.
I curse God.
Does he not care?
Does he not see?
Misery.

I drag the bricks to the end of the dock.
My parents house behind me.
They have money.
Something I never wanted.

I listen to nature.
My eyes spot the bird singing farewell.
My ears hear the squirrels chipper a goodbye.
My skin feels the raindrops which I swear are my mother’s tears.
I never wanted to hurt them
Life...
It just…
I…
Cannot go on

At the end of the dock I sway myself in.
The wind helps.
Bubbles are all that you can see following a splash.
The lake is dead.
Hopefully I will follow suit.
The bricks pull me down.
I cannot breath.
I hope to go somewhere nice.
Or nowhere at all,
Maybe that would be the best place
Nowhere … at all
From dirt I came.
To dirt I go.
Mom I am sorry
Dad you knew this would happen
My dear brother I was a bad influence
Goodbye.