His breath smelled of cheap whiskey. His eyes black and sunken in. Arms showed fresh puncture wounds, lips chapped and purged together. His voice harsh and crisp, not so much as a word in the subtle tone of love spoken. A child I was, yet I understood. Mother crying in the kitchen , yet never making a sound. Such a lovely and beautiful woman , how could he hurt her so? I grew up in a not so humble home. A child I was in body , but a woman I was in spirit. The hospital room , so cold. What did I do to deserve this. Instead of loving us , he hurt us. The sound of my skull clashing with the concrete still rings in my head. The scent of the hospital room still purged within my nostrils. A child , so innocent ,laying in my arms. One cry , one laugh , thirty minutes of smiles and tears. Thirty minutes of bonding. A life time of goodbyes. One hospital room , one gown, five doctors, and a deceased child in my arms. At home the man whom feels no remorse waits in his drunken rage. My mother sleeps uneasily on a gurney in room 207 in the trauma ward. A life time of hell , and all we have to show are wounds yet to heal. We never asked questions , not even why. A child I was , yet I understood . The puncture wounds , heroins footprints. The whiskey an easy distortion of reality. The anger and rage, a symbol of his love. They grew in age and distance. I grew only in death. Mothers tears at a funeral, hers for her granddaughter, mine for my daughter. All those years without any questions. Adulthood brings curiosity , along with one question I must ask. Why did you do it dad? Why didn’t you love us?
Author notes
Freedom .............I was raped as a child by someone my family knew. I was 11 years old ......
- Poets Against Child Abuse group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Abuse?.... by live-laugh-love.
540 points, ended November 10, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free Verse Frenzy (Prewites Only) by poetryality.
925 points, ended November 3, 2008, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - OCTOBER is Violence Against Women Awareness Month by DragonBlue.
2600 points, ended November 10, 2008, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I am sorry for your pain.
It does not make it any easier having experienced abuse all of my life when I feel the pain coming through the computer in every word you say. Heal you will though, eventually. All I can really say is I am sorry. I feel and understand how really dehumanizing it can be. May you find forgiveness in your heart for him, so that you can let it go. He will have to make his own peace, if he can.
Blessed Be~
)O(
db
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Your presentation of release in words hurts. You have hidden these words in blue that blends into the stars in the background. It is good that you were willing to share the atrocities of childhood with us, even though there is still so much buried beneath the surface. True freedom comes with answers to questions, letting go, and forgiveness of self, and the one who left the "scars".
I too was a victim of sexual abuse as a child. I overcame the victimization only a few years ago. Prior to that, I inflicted my own form of abuse upon myself with alcohol, and drug abuse. What was my rational? I had none! Yet, I did not understand why my behavior was, and is as it remains sometimes.
There is help available. It should never be a "been there done that mindset". God knows I do not want my granddaughter to ever have to go through what I went through. My daughters never had to. Sorry for rambling on here, your poetic work of words touched me deeply.
My only suggestion; LINE BREAKS!
Thank you for this entry and I wish you well in life and this contest.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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been there..done that... (sigh)... those of us who've lived to tell the tale...and that have sons(and daughters)...I pray we've raised them to never be violent toward a living thing... violence sucks!
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A lot of pain and hurt in this write and the reader is sad for your tender heart. Beautiful writing that asks a question.
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Oh this just breaks my heart, and I am so sorry this was your experience. Far too many live with this kind of pain. You are strong and brave to share your story as you never know who you will touch by your words. Great job baring your soul and keep writing and sharing. Blesings to you, Patty
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