Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Belligerent Childhood


 

Don't tell me that I am your baby

when simply I am your whipping post

I've been beaten too many times with your words

and scarred most erratically by your hands


The blood is what leads me to hate

leaving me to my own reckless thoughts

challenging me to pursue my remorse

and dying to make me get my revenge


I sit here in my garden of darkness

ripping away at what once was my childhood

leaving all scraps of innocence left behind

while bleeding from the inside out


Author notes

Yes I know! Too many words ... But I could go so much further with this ... I am going to have to finish it after the contest ... you can kick it out if you want ... but I love it where it is! hehe

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Lady Australis silver member
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow..
    is all i can say


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahh I know this feeling all too well. the words cut deep and leave such a nasty scar.. one that is not seen that often by others, but we know its there.. this poem is written with such personal emotion and experience. very strong and powerful. lots of emotions that run through out this write. I felt each and every word that was here.
    that's exactly how I felt, bleeding from the inside out.
    I am not particularity worried about the line limit here. what's important to me is that you were inspired. let it flow, don't hold back
    I'm not DQing this.. and never would I.. I would however love to see your expand on this. and please send me the link after you've done so.

    Brilliant job with this prompt and with your poem

    good luck

    kat


  • Bosiarbooger gold member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    I wanted to say I'm sorry first, you don't have sissors in your hand do you? great take on the prompt you weave a tale of pent up agression here with thoughts of getting even, which is always scary for the recipient. Best of luck if that's OK, Boog


  • KayJay
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I know the feeling... on a roll! When the muse kicks you in the fanny, you move with it! Beyond the word count, this is a beautifully framed work... full of emotional energy that brings the picture to life and allows understanding... an engrossing read from start to finish... Well done and best of luck!
    Ken
    PS Send me the link if you do decide to expand it... Like you, I see so much more here...


    • Asylaarix
      September 14, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      For sure.
      You'll be the first
      Thanks for the awesome comment


  • Riamh
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It often happens that a prompt can lead to poetic perfection, unfortunately restricted by necessary contest rules. I look forward to the completed poem.
    Good luck in the contest.

    Slayer


  • luna-midnight gold member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh, this is really good, and just sad, and emtoional, good luck in the contest and take care
    Stephanie ♥


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sad but an excelent write

1 - 8 of 8