I am trapped--
Vanity is chaining me to a desk,
and venom drips from a pen with lies for ink.
This pen is writing a deathwish-- with your name on it.
Tear-stricken eyes stare at toxic words that were created by my mind, my hands,
and what I thought was my heart.
Yet somehow those words aren't mine...
Words that shouted at you silently
Words that pierced oh-so-secretly
Through my heart...
Just as much as they did through yours.
But my regret is something you'll never see
Because this face I have is just a facade,
a wall that I constructed in shame.
And the truth hammers endlessly,
Pounds eternally in my head.
Verity screams your lack of toxicity...
For I am the poison in your veins.
Author notes
The story behind this poem is one full of shame.
Last year, I had written a goodbye-note to one of my closest friends...because I believed that we were "better off without each other." The truth was that something about him was bothering me... nothing romantic, nothing truly threatening... It was a feeling that I couldn't explain, and that was what scared me.
I tried to tell him in my most...gentle of words. Gentle? BULLSHIT.
I was a pure- out bitch. All for nothing. And the words I said?
"Your presence is like a poison."
I cannot forgive myself. And he can't forgive me either, and I don't deserve forgiveness from him. Though I've apologized to him, he doesn't accept...because we both know the truth-- I was the poison in HIS veins.
I've never been so cruel to someone, so cold...it wasn't me at all...it's terrifying to think about how much I can break someone with just words.
Even though I feel I don't deserve it, I still want to be forgiven desperately-- My own words will forever torture me until he tells me that he's forgiven me...
Whaddya think?
Comments
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I remeber that. (and when I read this the first time.)
still think it's beautiful in a horrible kind of way.
(my emotional response? Trevor is a freakin... gah ...black-hole of nothingness. I for one, am glad you ditched the kid.)
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Of course I still feel bad for everything and all, but...yeah... he's better off without me. And I might be better off without him, hence why this poem exists.
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I... uh... uwaaaaah! *cries* That was so sadddddd!
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Finally, SOMEONE comments on this >_< I've been waiting since...Saturday night. Thank you, darling. Tell your sister to do the same...unless she's still *magically* grounded...?
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Yup. 'Till Thursday.
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She told me Wednesday...lol. Oh well. Welcome back.
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