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The nightmare box



Inside the box, I found a box, a box that had a key
    A clockwork key to wind a music box
My grandma's box, her magic box, the box she left to me
    Had summoned me to open up its locks
I turned the key, the clockwork key, the key that I had found
    And then I found the box began to play
The tiny key, the magic key, the key that I turned round
    At once turned round a face with words to say
I heard the words, the fateful words the words that cast the spell
    The dreadful spell that now I must obey
Such ancient words, my Grandma's words, the words she sent from Hell
    And in a Hell I find I'm lost today
I have to dance, a devils dance, a dance that will not end
    There is no end until I'm danced away
It lets me rest, a fitful rest, a rest to fear my fate
    The awful fate my Grandma's spell has cast
I need each rest, such little rest, the rests I've come to hate
    The spell of hate that came from Grandma's past
A spark of hope, a final hope, the hope I have to hold
    The only hold I have on sanity
The last great hope, to end all hope, the hope I see as gold
    The prize of gold that means I may get free
The box runs down, its slowing down as down as I now feel
    At last I feel the spell has run its course
I struggle down, my dreams cast down, so down it is not real
    But it is real at last I'm freed from force
I take the box, the music box, the box that tried to kill
    It tried to kill me with its dance of death
I lock the box, inside a box, a box of iron will
    I know it will stay locked while I've the breath
And when I die, we all must die, the die I know is cast
    The spell will cast upon some other one
Who'll wish to die, I wished to die, to die you're free at last
    This curse will last until the world is done





   

Author notes

Well it isn't a form as such, but you have to admit it is different!

The brilliant artwork is from deviantart :- http://manips-of-artist2.deviantart.com/art/THE-MACHINE-OF-DREAMS-97370735

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    September 18, 2008

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    Very different!

    I think once I got past the repetitive words.. I hooked into the beat of it and it had a great rhythm! It reminded me of some nursery rhyme kind of beat.. but obviously a adult version! If you know what I mean.

    The story is tragic and dark and is a cool take on the pic!!


  • moonbumps silver member
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yep-that's different all right!!!
    Luvly jubbly


  • unavailable
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I feel the same as Amera and legend, I really enjoyed this, although occassionally flow seem'd to slow towards the end but everything was very good and hope not to see anything changed.

    -luv


    • cricketjeff gold member
      September 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      As I read it it slows down from about halfway, that may be wishful thinking on my part because it was what I wanted to happen, so the poem reflects the story.


      • unavailable
        September 15, 2008

        Edit | Reply
        I didn't notice from that point, I was drawn in to your lulling creativeness, which I admire very much.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    September 15, 2008

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    I really wasn't sure about the repeating words, as they repeat so often, but I did find the catchy beat this has. You have penned a wonderful tale, excellent take on the picture! Good luck.


  • Legend silver member
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I too was a little worried at the start of this piece with the repetition, but then got sucked into the whole concept of the poem and ended up wanting more
    Excellent Good luck in the contest


  • Amera gold member
    September 15, 2008

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    I really like the feel of this poem. It not onle depictd the picture perfectly, it has an unusual meter and flow to it that rolls of the lips so easily. This is truly an amazing piece.

    Love,
    Amera♥

    • cricketjeff gold member
      September 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank-you, I was very unsure about all the repetition, and keeping it going in the same pattern was a bitch! But I think it works for a dark piece.

  • Poetryintheblood gold member
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very different I agree, but very catchy all the same Jeff, I thought this was most cleverly done, but then all your writes always are, love always Josie


  • Ceridwens Soul silver member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A man of surprises again! This write is rich with imagery and suspense too.

    Hands you the dark vampire bunnies today


  • Katie Lazette
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Clever Jeff. Good luck in the contest. Katie

1 - 13 of 13