The teal and ivory wash
swirled and erased the sand.
Hands a-foam crashed and dashed.
All the understanding in the world
changes nothing. From the first ache
of reason the sun was too full
impartial in what is revealed.
Boys made noise about love.
Sand crabs in surf and under bare feet
made as much difference and less distracting.
The wind plays with hair and evokes
memories where fingers haunt
trace tracks, arouse feelings
better left alone, unbruised and forgotten.
Sound of surf, the cackle of gulls,
feet shushing in sand. Coming to shore,
letting it erode and wash.
Permanence is a false god, shore and storm
a closer truth. Love -- a shell held next to the heart.
1:22 AM
Sept. 13, 2008
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
Image: "God Is Surf" by Kevin Roberts
This is an image to a contest Blue Rew and I are running. I thought I would try my hand at being inspired by it.
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Thank you for taking me to this place by the water where love abounds and nothing that is good is ever washed away. A quiet yet roaring place where nostalgia sweeps our spirits with meld of trust.
This work is ehtereal Tom. Beautiful, and again I say...BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for this well crafted entry and I wish you well in the challenge.
As Always with Love ♥
Renee
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This was a moment in catching the spirit and our own fragility, hopefully, in a way that allows the strength to shine through.
I forgot that I had entered this in your contest. The things I must go through just to get a comment
Love,
Tom B.
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it was almost like being there...
Love, Lane
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I am sure there have been moments for all of us. Thanks for letting me know that it can take you there again.
Love, Tom B.
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This was amazing
Great work
As always
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Your faith in my ability gives me strength. I am blessed. I can hear the poem and the echoes across your heart in your words.
Love,
Tom B.
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Tom, I'm do very glad you did. This image itself I haven't written for. I see the fingers in her hair, you standing by her somewhere, in your own world of reverie. This is terrific. When I saw this prompt, I knew you'd do amazing things with it, I was not disappointed. You are a master with this particular vision. Not many can master it, or come close. Ask anyone who reads your work.
Bless you and your family, I hope things are healing.
jin
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Thanks. I kept talking about what I meant about sensuality. I said you had to evoke feelings with sensations. Take people on an inner journey without telling them but letting them experience it. I didn't think I was clear, so I decided to try to show them. I am glad you feel I succeeded.
Love, Tom B.
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beautifully done, as always. there's always so much feeling, so much experience, in your pieces. as though your speaker knows...nay...is WISE to the subject of the poem. it breathes, more than poetry, with a life of its own. that is the wonder of what you create. i am also blown away by your conclusion: "Love--a shell held next to the heart." this phrase was a perfect ending to a lovely piece because it had a sense of fragile finality to it that allows your reader to feel thoughtful and satisfied both at once. you have a gift, tom. a real gift. (if you feel like doling out wisdom, what advice would you give to a young poet who wants to write stronger conclusions?)
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First, thanks for sharing the pleasure you have recieved from my work.
Second, take me on a mentor. I am pretty good at critiques and thought. Read my American Oriental Modern List. The poetic style in this is about encapsulate with a image what you have said before. It is about summing up your write with an image that symbolizes what you are saying. The verses before and the image following support each other. Then the idea of last lines becomes easy or at least easier. We, western society, use symbols without realizing the cultural imperitives they contain. We are as a society no self-reflective enough to realize the power they have over us but marketers, artists, and others manipulate us through them all the time. The Japanese because of the ideogram style of their writing have a much more direct relationship to symbols. This is a vast oversimplification. Because I want to be able to talk about feelings and what creates them I explore in poetry. This is why I am so pleased when I am able to touch someone. I take it as a success. Love, Tom B.
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You have never failed me in your ending line...
but this one I do believe exceeds all those
before. Permanence as false god~amazing in its
perception for life is nothing if not constant change.
"a shell held next to the heart", exquisite in all
that it conjures, especially from female perspective.
Beginning in colour which to me can never be wrong as it sets the scenery, sometimes even the emotion of a piece (as this one does) Teal calling to me as comfort, acceptance of what will be. Ivory that shade that speaks of matured innocence, something that has been forced beyond its natural naivety. Then, you
blend in sound, visuals, and fill between the lines
~undercurrents of experience, memories and prospects.
Lovely doesn't cut it, but it truly is. Blue
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It is a high compliment to tell me I never fail. I can see I have created something that talks deeply to you. I wanted to use the sea shore edge as my metaphor. I wanted the poem to be very concrete and let it be about how it touches someone standing there and relates to there particular situation. LIfe is frequently a series of unrelated events that we thread together with our lives. Out of this we grow and create our own sense of order and reason. Chance and Happenstance. The last pair of lines is sort of my haiku about the entire poem.
Love, Tom B.
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Very interesting poem!
This is a good example of very good contemporary writing, Tom! The multiple sub-metaphors and the overall wave blown shore word picture are very good! I do have trouble with the hidden meanings or messages that must be buried in this fine poem! I tend to like poetry with a more clear, hit-you-in-the-face conclusion or message. That's just my opinion and preference for my own poetry reads and my poetry writing! I like to read the poetry of Billy Collins, Ted Kooser and our new poet Laureate, Ms. Kay Ryan -- these poets inspire me and provide examples of styles that I not only like, but I would love to achieve their levels / kinds of craft!
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I write what I write. I am not familar with your poets and that is no slight to them, just a comment on the sheer volume that is available. There are definite distinctions in topics. I write poems in an everyday voice about my son, my family and these maybe much more appealing to you. This is perhaps best described by Blue Rews comment above and I recomend reading her comment.
Deep meaning in a poem... I know what I want it to mean and in many ways it is painted in the word picture I have created. Robert Browning says if when you read my poem we share similar meanings and feelings then I have written a good poem. I tend to agree.
I am touched by your open mindedness, your willingness to explore and at the same time your commitment to your craft and the integrity in your artistry. May this help you in your journey.
Peace,
Tom B.
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And of course put us all to shame with your unique style But it is a joy to read your take on it. C
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Thanks Cheryl. I just wanted to catch my sense of sensuality and then deepen how I show my understanding of love. We flow through each other like water, we remain mute and mysterious like stone. Glad you enjoyed.
Love, Tom B.
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