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shivering

She stands
shivering
in the cold
September air
of dawn

gazing over mountains,
focusing on the dream
in her memory.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Lavender Butterfly silver member
    September 14, 2008
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    Beautifully portrayed... x


  • nearlycivilized
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Could just be me, but I feel like there should be a middle.
    I'm kinda left wondering where she is or why she's there in the first place... what is this dream you are talking about. You don't have to add much, but without it I feel like the poem doesn't evoke any kind of emotion.
    I also, really like the first bit, and the last couple lines end the poem nicely as well.


  • Lexie
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked this poem. it was short, but it was very nice to read.

    She stands
    shivering
    in the cold
    September air
    of dawn

    that was my favortie part of this whoel poem! great job.