Coral twilight club is made from resin
Cabaret slugs a long liquid note
Blues cornet wails only a moan
Savant prophecy most placate,
Stone music reviews alone!
Nostalgia so alone; cast no shadow
Extreme edgy poetry holds a candle,
To the arbitrary reason's womb.
Grudge with pale complexion is the judge
Disposition serves lyrics with Dijon
Washed down with rhythm and rhymes
Jazz flows on slow liquid notes~
Edited version:
Coral twilight club sounds echo on walls of resin
Cabaret sighs deep then plays a long liquid note
Blues cornet joins wailing on the upbeat just a moan
Savant of the twilight prophecy must now placate,
Stone music’s critical reviews waiting alone!
Nostalgia is casting a soulful protracted shadow
Extreme is the edgy poet who shouts out verse
Words in lines which hold a revealing candle,
To light arbitrary reason's artistic womb.
Grudge with a pale complexion is only the judge
Disposition serves lyrics covered with Dijon
Washed down with rhythm and rhymes
Jazz still flows on lingering slow liquid notes~
Author notes
word prompt twilight
In a list
A contest entry
- Beyond Words by Errant Panther.
525 points, ended October 1, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
I don't know why but it was a little hard for me to finish reading this poem.. but not because it was a bad poem, not at all!!! I think that it was because in many places it seemed like words were forced together? But that could just be me.. I did enjoy the imagery though, thank you very much for sharing.. est of luck in the contest..
Angel
-
-
Angelflower
well thanks for your input, most be that my dyslexia mind can not make this work for i thought the revised version had a better flow.
i can not help but to think you are just affirming your partners opinion and that this really was not something to leave here.
-
-
the flow stumbles in this to varyiing degrees and that gives it a sense that the words were forced to fit together somewhat, rather than blend harmoniously - a shame really because the theme lent itself to a deeply expressive and engaging piece. Perhaps further detailed imagery and more personal emotions would see this piece reach its full potential. the closing segment was well constructed though.
-
This is an evocative & provocative penning, Poet. I love jazz, as well as many other forms of music. I have a rather extensive collection. I have everything Billie Holiday ever recorded. There are so many great artists that remain in the silent shadows whose talents should be soaring within the mellowed spotlight. Good luck in the contest. 
-
-
Night Hope
My humble thanks for you kind words they inspire me to continue to write.So many people would find fault with what i write and never think to offer a bit of encouragement.
I do love jazz and all music -
Errant Panther
Thanks for your input I revised it,I may revisit it again. Was fun to use your word bank thanks for the contest
-
-
This is really good! I liked the last part real well
Disposition serves lyrics with Dijon
Washed down with rhythm and rhymes
Jazz flows on slow liquid notes~
-
-
Hotchocolate
My Friend thanks for your comment glad you enjoyed it
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
