"Do you know how to dance?"
He gave her a look that was hard to hold
as it melted down her face and onto her black
dress meaning, heavy with curves
in this place of sipping eyes
over glasses that swirled,
dark and pungent.
"No," she smiled, looking down at her scarlet nail;
down at the froth of her cool on tap,
as the slide of rhythm became so sultry
that her drum played hot
against the inside of her silk.
He touched the amber of his round glass
to his lips; his lips slowly delicious,
and she stopped breathing, watching as
he lowered them until ripples fell
across the shimmering liquid,
and he put his hand on
the satin finish of the bar.
Yet, she hesitated long enough;
long enough to inhale his brandied breath
and to see the soft, smooth clean of his cheek,
and so when she looked back into his question,
the one she had breathed a "no" into, she was sure,
she said, "Teach me."
Author notes
A contest entry for: Family Album- Jorge de Lima
Inspiration...
Excerpt from "People of Mira -Celi [Family Album]" By: Jorge de Lima.
"Fix well your eyes with your ear to listen to the heavy breath
the shouts, the oaths… The black skirt looks like a death bell
and the cleavage is the ship that took her away
forever."
Picture: "Bar Scene" pastel by Crawfurd Adamson.
A contest entry
- Family Album- Jorge de Lima by Peteskid.
2300 points, ended September 15, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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EXCEPTIONAL POETRY!
I love the abstract feel of this poetry. There is a sultry undertone written between the lines here poet. There is so very much to breathe in...
"as the slide of rhythm became so sultry
that her drum played hot
against the inside of her silk."
There are some wonderful visuals here. Exquisite!
Congratulations on earning the Bronze Cup!
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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Congratulations on the bronze, this one is different. I love the beginning and ending dialogue. The unspoken words in between are striking, with meaning that only the eyes can hear. So well done!
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This is very good, very different way to see the poem, yet a wonderful extension of that part of the poem.
Another dimension, point of view and most enjoyable poem!
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This is a winner in my humble opinion. I agree with both of the current responses. The individuals are alive and real. The behavior and communication is authentic and revealing. The story is engaging and interesting. The ending was satisfying.
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A good poem, imagery, flow and language all combine seemingly without effort and the people are alive, the reader is interested in them, and reacts with them to the stimulus of the bar, the music, the stranger. And of course, all family begins as strangers to each other.
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Very nicely done here, taking the theme and making it into the writer's own creation...his or her own slice of life, and pictures are for remembering, sometimes memorable moments that we can hold, as in these well crafted verses...rich in experience, adventure. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK
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