There are dreams
written upon sunset stars;
our hearts painted on petals
as wind tangles wishes
within our tresses
on first Springs
and these pebbles
that our footprints prance upon
are only grains of memories
nourished by our love
withstanding another Winter,
and every aching Season apart
until breezes scatter seeds to sow
blooming a path of promise
upon the wings
of fate's flickering flutter.~
♥♥
~
Author notes
"twilight"
image credit:
http://www.theviewpointinn.com/images/photos/twilight_sunset.jpg
In a list
A contest entry
- Beyond Words by Errant Panther.
525 points, ended October 1, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 8 – My first thought was that Petaled was misspelled and should’ve been Pedaled Creative title for this poem, but I probably wouldn’t click on it.
Poem Flow: 8.5 – With no punctuation and this being one huge, long run-on sentence, I didn’t feel like I had the chance to breathe. It’s a shame, because I think readers need a chance to absorb the beautiful words you’ve penned.
Depth: 9.25 – You’ve got some power behind your words, which, with the right formatting, will really impact the readers.
Emotional Impact: 8.75 – Again, I didn’t have time to connect with your thoughts. I was too rushed through the words.
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Nicely done!
Punctuation and Caps: 5 – ouch. I’m a stickler for proper punctuation and caps in the right spots. It helps the reader to pause and stop in the right spots. At the very end you use a period and a ~. Pick one.
Presentation: 9.75 – Beautiful.
Personal Appeal: 8.5 – Love poems are not my cup of tea, unless they blow me away. Sorry.
My score: 67.75/80.00
-
-
TY for your wonderful comment/review..Just to clarify a little, I used petaled as in "flower petals" as opposed to pedals of a bike...so that was the reason for my title. The poem was leading up to a wedding, therefore the petaled path was to signify that scenerio...
Love poems can't be everyon'e cup of tea but I love writing them...Thanks again!
Lynda
-
-
such a romantic snapshot of how twilight can transform a simple moment or some subtle words into a beautiful memory. very well done.
-
This was really soft and loving.. I love the wistful feel to it.. You did such a wonderful job. I love the emotion in this write.. thank you very much for sharing. best of luck in the contest.
Angel
-
This is really beautiful. I love your word choices. Flowing imagery and good use of metaphor. Love this.
-
I can't imagine where the inspiration for this gorgeous piece to flow so beautifully about love came from....
If anyone deserves this,,, it is you!
I just love your love poems!
Jazzy
-
Geez, sis;
You trying to make me cry or what?!?!?!?
This moved me to tears...it's that lovely
I wish you more love than your heart can hold; this is beautiful and you deserve it!
Love,
Sandy
-
This is simply gorgeous my friend!
I love the way that you always add
such tranquility and beautiful imagery
in your writes. Wonderful work here
and I hope that you do well with this
piece in this contest! Good luck to you!
Jeremy0826
-
-
ty my friend for your lovely words
Lynda
-
-
Hope is star to feather far away,
the inner fire of heart's desire...
lovely, and such an acquiescent light
as bolder beacon bringing joy
-
this is an example of how alliteration should be done, subtle and unforced
almost like a gentle breeze carrying you home again
pure poetry is what I call this
beautiful
peace and hugs
Muddy
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
