The middle's remorse

It's been a long five years
And the first I couldn't get it right
I was so eager, so excited
To finally meet

It's been a long five years
And all after the excitement, I've grown to hate him,
His words so dastard, his reasons unknown
The childish fights

I never understood him
I never understood why he was so crude
So unreasonable
I just couldn't read him

From that time on I've just ignored him
For when he talks, he talks of everything
To make me feel worse
And I wanted to do the same

Being at lower power
I did only wish the worst upon him; venting wasn't enough
And when I finally stood up from my low foolish grounds,
He showed me his reasons; He had won again.

We've spent too much time
And I've realized I just could not say no to him
He was too pitiable.
And I fell for it

I've always resented that he always had the answers against me
I've always thought how this monster could be my half.
But I never thought enough.
And he was indeed far too pitiable.

It's been a long five years
And here comes the time when I truly don't hate him
The view on him as a manipulative, disastrous, destructive, dominating person
Shifted into a poor little boy, hidden under his blankets, inhaling roughly as he cried.

And here comes the time that it all narrowed down to me
That I was the only one at home that didn't prosecute him
"People think it's just a good life," he opened up.
"But they're wrong. Completely wrong."

My mother's accusations, his cries,
I felt like a traitor to both.
And I couldn't do anything to help.
All I could do was speak, but what I said was everything he already knew, tried, and failed.

I was in the middle, trying to reach out
To the one I've been despising for the wrong reasons
For the childish reasons
And the realization came far too late.

I didn't know how he felt,
I didn't know what to say
I couldn't be sympathetic
I had no idea.

It's been a long five years
And he doesn't know if there will be a sixth.

And I wish I could've made it better during the past five.