I. Spring
First tender embrace; brings warmth;
vernal caresses that brought souls from death;
undeveloped fountains of fertility
attire my unkempt, naked limbs;
sweet-hearted blossoms,
subtle; delicate; light;
once more, I feel life.
II. Summer
Initial enticing touches turn in heated lust;
in you growth and fulfilment flourish,
nectar brings emergence of procreation;
petals fall softly; fruits of love grow;
dark, heavy, branches giving shade,
hunger; thirst; dreams;
entwined long hazy days.
III. Autumn
Cooling breezes coat vibrant hues;
yielding mature and mellow seed,
garlands red and gold shimmer
rays fading to night;
warm embrace releasing me;
falling tears rain; scattered on ground
chills beckon with sleep.
IV. Winter
Bare naked alone; wild limbs dance,
frosted gales the rhythm;
bleak white blankets cover land,
boughs heavy; some lay broken;
yet dancing hopeful to feel one touch,
one brief non-existent carom;
waiting for your blessed return.
Love and passion over four seasons
Between tree spirit and Sun king.;
Author notes
Author‘s Notes:
I have written this piece as four separate poems from the POV of a tree that could stand alone but still work together and closed with a couplet.
Challenge:The Painting Poet:
freeverse poem.
NO rhyme or Meter.
quote and pic to inspire this poem. (make sure we can see both, please.)
20-30 lines.
genre: nature.
helpful hint to you: nature is one of the most tricky to write, especially in freeverse... really dig down. Use strong wording. Watch filler words.
Picture inspiration and background: One Tree, Four Seasons by FreelanceTwins
Quote inspiration: Of the infinite variety of fruits which spring from the bosom of the earth, the trees of the wood are the greatest in dignity.
- Susan Fenimore Cooper
Link to image:
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1274/1252846349_60be6b64bb.jpg%3Fv%3D0&imgrefurl=http://flickr.com/photos/28038268%40N00/1252846349&h=333&w=500&sz=62&hl=en&start=7&um=1&usg=__0AKfjx9iMlDr9gcUAwRanLEX1Ww=&tbnid=HwULl3gRnXXw5M:&tbnh=87&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Done%2Btree%2B4%2Bseasons%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB
fficial%26sa%3DN
A contest entry
- haven't been here for 3 months but I have 4,000+ points by Nam.
4075 points, ended October 15, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Win $50, and be published in the next Allpoetry Book! by Kevin.
400 points, ended January 15, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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oh yes... I forgot... nice selection of image and quote
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WOW! Nice one for this round. I see you stepped right up to the challenge. Your wording is superb... I like a poet that is confident with words... well knowledged on how to reach the core of the poem with powerful words. I have noticed that in both of your challenge pieces thus far. I believe the biggest challenge for me to give you would to write complete cliche with no words consisting of more than 5 letters. You would freak! lol! That is not a bad thing! As most poets that have been through my challenge... wording is everything to me!
Now my point in assigning you with freeverse is to see you loosen your strings and let go. To watch your words fall apart with lack of tidiness. You, even in freeverse have a VERY structured and predictable piece. You had to find sequence and order? I felt this poem was great... but what if each season was merely a metaphor? Would that have not made a more powerful statement.
I must give credit where credit is due. I do not enjoy pieces about nature. Never have. That is why I gave it to you. Seeing as I dislike rhyme and you swayed me last round... I had to see if you could do it again.
You did. I am impressed in more ways than one. Still, this structure bothers me. You are deep, and I wanted you to take me there... We will try again
Also, I felt that the last two lines took away from your piece a bit. I am unsure as of why. I just felt that the winter was solid enough to end it... personal opinion, and of course that will not weigh on your score
Good luck in the judging. You have impressed me two weeks in a row... that is nearly impossible!
Mel
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Wow, well you certainly rose to the challenge here as far as I can tell. The imagery is wonderful...tho I do feel I was rushed past it all faster than I would have liked I also would have liked to have seen more depth. You have covered a lot but not in great detail. For example...'petals fall, fruits of love grow;' how do the petals fall, do they glide down, or get carried upon the breeze, small things I know but can really add more depth to a piece IMO
The format is very nice, first impressions tho would tell me this is a formed write. It has fallen into a uniformed look with the verses. Free verse to me isn't just about not rhyming but allowing the words to flow freely across the page. Again just small things that can make all the difference IMO
Over all this is a superb poem, beautiful imagery and lovely art. The picture you choose is really nice and goes well. The quote is an inspiring one. I look forward to seeing more from you in future rounds. Good luck
Score: 96.1
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Very creative and well thought out piece here. I felt surrounded in imagery the whole way through. Great imagery as well.
The only thing I see that needs improvement here, is your final 2 lines. I felt it should have looked like this;
"Love and passion over four seasons,
between Tree of Spirit and Sun king."
Other than that....this was remarkable.
My score
97
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Hello
Lovely from presentation of Background to presentation of entry.....nice job!
Ok......let's dig in
*that brought souls*....not a fan of *that*
*sweet-hearted*
Last 4 L's of your 2st Stanza are lovely....nice grammatical choices
*In you.....comma....growth and fulfilment...........slow me down so I don't miss out on this great Tone you have going on
3rd stanza......watch out for your over-load of Imagery.....as you will begin to tip the balancing scale of *Show vs Tell*
*Bare-naked*
*yet dancing.....comma...hoping.....comma.......to feel one touch..........sloooow me down
*Between tree of spirit and Sun king.*
....not sure why you did not CAP Tree of Spirit, yet you cappedSun King......and why did you CAP *between*?....there is no period after *seasons*
Nonetheless....one of the prettiest Seaonal *nature* genres I have read in quite some time ~
I adore the uncommonness of your word choices.....asthis set the Tone of Originality and Lasting Impression......for me
Your Format is professional and well thought-out........you have hit a nice run with this entry.....I look forward to seeing howyou do in Round 3 ~
Also.....don't forget your dcontest for free points....grab 'em if you can!
Good luck and God bless you.....thank you for such a beautiful piece of Art this Round
Bear ~
Your score shall be sent to your Host
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Ok brief explanation, in Paganism the Sun king is a god hence he is capped, tree spirits are nymphs so not capped. Hope that helps some.
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Gotcha.....shall revise score a few tenths of a point
Thank you for letting me know,
Bear ~ -
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Its ok just felt you deserved the explanation
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This is lovely... Indeed, the judges didn't lie when they said that nature is a difficult genre, especially in free-verse, but you have proven that you can rise to the challenge. The imagery here is fabulous, and your poem is very clever and well-thought-out... The four separate poems do work very well, both on their own and as one.
Well done, and best of luck in the contest!
Laura, aka Immortal
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Thank you
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A wonderful exploration of the year as seen by a tree, great stuff.
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I don't believe I am saying this but this was a battle not to put into rhyme and meter, what have you done to me????
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I hope I have helped you see that you are a poet.
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OWWWWWWWWWWW
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WOW Jems
this is just so butiful the words the pix the Quote
fantastic POV from the tree he is very inteligent
Good luck in the challange
xxx You angel xxx
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Thank you My dearest angel,
YLD
xxxxx Jem xxxxxx
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