Raised by imperfect parents to be perfect,
how crazy is that?
They were old enough to know better,
why on earth did they treat me like a brat?
I was just a sweet little girl,
who wanted to please;
precocious, with many gifts,
waiting to release.
Saw my talents, the light in my eyes,
too wrapped up in self;
didn't know who they were, or the world,
enmeshed in confusion, couldn't love this little girl
Now, these thoughts ingrained in self, daily do display;
though I know better, I’m tormented every day
Trying to do my best, I often find I pray:
“Father, only One is perfect; help me to know Your Way!”
Words: K.Botka
9/12/08
Author notes
The Title is the theme! Perfectionism...
I can't see the font color on this entry page! What else was I supposed to put here? Brain injured...with short term memory problem...let's see if I can back track without loosing everything...phew...POW Contest! I hope I got it all right...
! Perfectionist you know! 
Oh oh! I just looked at your suggestions for topics! This is probably just all to mundane for this contest! Ugh...hey, I'm gonna be brave & enter any old way & throw caution to the wind & see what happens! Who knows, perhaps this is the first step in overcoming my addiction to being perfect! Thanks for this contest...I don't really understand all the specs...& this is the first contest I've entered of this kind, way too many details for a Brain Injured Old Woman with ADD & in Menopause. Oops...way too much info...I'm very outspoken & still the little girl I wrote about! 
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended September 16, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How'm I doin'?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Hi there and welcome!
Having more than a few "perfectionist" issues in my own life...I was anxious to read this.
The poem itself didn't deliver what I hoped, but then it is a very personal write that expresses a lot of emotional "baggage" so to speak, and that can make it difficult to find and keep a poetic tone in a write. 
My co-judges have given some good suggestions already...I'm going to use a trick Bear often uses, and left-align this...
Raised by imperfect parents to be perfect,
how crazy is that?
They were old enough to know better,
why on earth did they do that?
I was just a sweet little girl,
who wanted to please;
precocious, with many gifts,
waiting to release.
They saw my talents, the light in my eyes,
they were too wrapped up in themselves;
bought into lies about selves & the world,
too busy & confused to really love this little girl
Now, these thoughts ingrained in self, daily do display;
though I know better, I’m tormented every day
Trying to do my best, I often find I pray:
“Father, only One is perfect; help me to know Your Way!”
There is a tendency for lines to become longer and longer as a write progresses, and as you can easily see, this one does that...which to me, eventually interferes with flow. I thought your closing stanza was nicely done; if you decide to do any editing, I'd suggest using it as a guideline for other stanzas as to length and rhythm.
What I'd have really liked to see from this poem is not so much how you developed a perfectionist problem, but how it affects your life. For me...I have borderline OCD, and nearly everything I do seems to take forever! I think finding a more poetic tone is also important; this reads somewhat story-ish, to me.
Yes, there are a lot of rules and things to remember for the PO contests...you did just fine on the background, and left alignment is not "required", only "suggested".
Finding a unique theme is probably the most difficult challenge...or finding a unique perspective of an often seen theme. While issues with parents who (sadly) expect too much of their children is not unique, I think "perfectionism" IS...and had you concentrated more on that aspect, there's great potential here. Hum...maybe there's a second poem inside you, on the same theme?
Thanks so much for joining us, and I hope the judges suggestions are helpful to you rather than discouraging. You were brave enough to enter the poem even realizing it might not be exactly what we look for, so I'm hoping that means you're here to gain some insight as to where you can make improvements.
As a side note...I have a story about trying to overcome my own perfectionist issues...perhaps I'll IM and share it with you, if you don't mind.
Good luck and best wishes,
~J.
Remember: no editing once a judge comments, until after trophies have been awarded. My scores will be included in final contest notes.
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welcome to the POW!
first of all ick this was slightly spiritual heh, not used to reading these types of poems. OK so overall this was ok, not the best thing I've read. something's I would suggest:
try to avoid simple rhyme like display, pray and if your going to use them, use poetic devices before them. such as
" Now, these thoughts ingrained in self, daily do appear,
though I know better, I’m tormented every waning day.
Trying to do my best, I often hear my words Back into my ear,
“Father, only one is perfect; help me to know Your Way!"
See what I did I got rid of the displa, pray and added describing words and to me it flows better. keep in mind its 5:11am here in london so my muse may be as tired as me.
Try using more metaphors, alliteration, and similies and other poetic devices in your poetry that way evan if a poem is cliche it can still look very well done.Best of luck in the contest and welcome to the PO contests.
My scores will be shown with the final remarks. Remember no editing once a judge has touched your work until after trophies have been handed out.
-vampy xxx
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Welcome to the POW for 9/12/08
I guess it is my turn to be on the opposing side
from the other judges.
First of all, this format is not what we ask for in the POW. Left aligned is the standard. The use of '&' for 'and'..I do not like this at all. It detracts from the appearance of the write, and stops me, the reader, in my tracks.
Nice closing lines, but the whole is, in effect, a theme that has been heard from the beginning of time. "My parents didn't understand or love me!" I don't see that you have brought anything new to
this common theme. Your AN says the poem is about perfectionism, but I don't see that at all.
In any other venue, this would be a nicely written poem. The PO series is tough, but honest, and I, at least, do not sugar coat or trivialize the problems of each write.
I hope you will take these comments and use them as building blocks for you next entry into the PO series. I know when I was entering, and not judging, I learned a great deal from the judges' comments.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Hi - glad to see your talents here.
I probably wouldn't click on this title - just too 'generic' I think.
The theme is not unique - but you have done it in a creative way. I like the emotion that comes through, but the repeating words cut the smoothness of the flow. On a personal level, I liked this.
I think your images were good, but mainly due to the emotion/feelings in this. It was more 'tell' than 'show.
All in all, a very nice entry.
Best wishes in the contest. My scores will appear in my final notes.
**Remember, no editing once a judge has commented on your work.
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Hi there and welcome to pow
I did think that this was a great piece
I am not a fan of center align though
but non the less I did enjoy this
piece you did a great job with it
even though I have seen this written about
before you added your on twist
my score will appear at the end of
the contest with my
closing notes be well -
Aloha and Welcome!!
This is a really a sweet
little…I would call it “prayer”
Great message, flow and rhyme …
are not perfect”….lol…..you
have “that” and “that” in the first
stanza….repeating words so close,
and especially using them in a rhyme
scheme…usually doesn’t work well.
I stumble on this stanza:
They saw my talents, the light in my eyes,
they were too wrapped up in themselves;
bought into lies about selves & the world,
too busy & confused to really love this little girl
You use “they” and “selves” too close together,
in my opinion…I tried re writing it with your
words…and can’t come up with anything I liked…
you need to focus a bit more on technical aspects…
your thoughts and end are there…..
The theme is not totally unique…
And you have told us more than
shown us…but still I enjoyed this
very much! Best wishes in the
contest!
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has
commented on your work. My scores will
appear in the final notes.
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I think this is a very clever poem. Rhyme & everything else up to your usual standard. I think it covers the topic & is a good entry. I can't see the link about the entry specs though.
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Loved this as it shows how dangerous it is to try to get our children to live our dreams, without realising theirs....Good luck in the contest and welcome
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