Note: No Mockingbird was hurt in the writing of this, no one died, just forgot to forgive himself hence, lost the will to fly.
A Tall Tale From The runt Oak
Poor Mr…Mimm was playing catch with a rock
When his brother was ready he gave it a toss
Diving into the gorge never to be seen again
Mr...Mimm lost his will to fly then
But never stopped dreaming...
Mr...Mimm stood with his claws curled over the precipice. His eyes were closed, yet he did not sleep but he was deep in thought. “If I were to fall asleep right now,” he mused, “I might become overly relaxed and in not realizing perhaps that I had, in so relaxing, unconsciously leaned forward. I would probably not even recognize, except as something from a bad dream, that I was falling! Falling, over and over myself, the silently serene, a tumbling mass of disheveled feathers, fading quickly into the blending shades of everything that is below.”
“Oh well,” Mr…Mimm decided, “fears are sleeping nightmares, and nighrmares are sleeping fears.”
“If I am falling,” he supposed, “well, that is, if I were to have a choice, I should rather fall with my eyes wide open than otherwise stuck together in sleep.”
“Yes, yes indeed.”
Mr…Mimm hated falling dreams.
He decided that it would be better to keep his eyes wide open when eventually it came the time for him to sleep. “As for now, that is at this particular time,” he thought, “there was just too much, so many things, still left for me to think about.”
His keen eyes (they had often been compared to those of eagles) were, for the present moment, focused upon the rugged beauty that seemed to paint the other side.
“How many times,” he wondered, “have I found myself so situated, that is, perched at this exact spot?”
Mr… Mimm’s stare followed a familiar crevice, following it downwards until it reached an overhang. This overhang was unique amongst the many others that could be found scattered all along the great cliff’s side. Unique, for both its unusually large size and its lone occupant whom, Mr…Mimm knew very well from his days, now long past, when had known how to fly.
Mr…Mimm allowed himself a minute of reminiscence. He remembered those special days when he and his brother used to be able to tell time by the number of leagues they would cover. So many of those times would find them returning from their journeys, full with story, and always welcomed to tell their tale, resting upon one of the many great arms of the Gentle Elder, the legendry weeping willow and lone occupant, for uncounted centuries, of that ledge across the gorge. The focus of his eyes.
He grinned for the past before returning his thoughts to the present, behind and beyond the willow, to the crevice. Mr …Mimm had heard the stories of how the crevice, in its ancient travels to find the bottom of the gorge, decided long ago to pause at that particular overhang long enough to take a deep breath; this was evident by the shadows and depths of its long ago opened mouth, which Mr…Mimm recognized from his many previous sojourns as the entrance to the cave.
“Perhaps,” Mr…Mimm considered, “the crevice had, like myself and my brother, decided just to stop there for a rest and that cave really is its long ago yawn which is as yet, to be done yawning.
“I wonder,” he went on, thinking to himself. “I wonder if Gentle Elder were alive at that time?” “That would help to explains why such a busy crack, as the crevice obviously once was, would want to stop at that exact spot for such an extended period of time.” “Long enough for good conversation," he thought, “long enough to grow inwards.”
Mr…Mimm decide that this made a lot of sense, being that Gentle Elder was so good at listening. “One day I shall have to make room in my busy schedule to get over there and ask him.“ “Yes,” Mr…Mimm confirmed, “yes indeed.”
As for the now, Mr…Mimm’s, eagle likened eyes, passed over the outreach and continued to follow the crevices’ descent as it made its way towards the bottom of the 'Stone Kept a Falling’ gorge. With the sudden arrival of an onslaught of bad memories, he quickly grew melancholy. These memories, those same ones that always seemed intent on rising from too often dug graves. Past events drawn, most probably, from the ‘secret place,’ deep within the Yawning cave. Memories swelled up and tears began to fall as he thought of his brother, the stories they would tell, could tell and did tell. Discussing dreams and the…
“No, no, no, enough of that!” Mr…Mimm proceeded to shake his head with enough violence to throw off the ‘bad’ thoughts. When he was through two completely different thoughts had arisen and quickly took their places. These two new ideas were good enough that Mr…Mimm decided to make mental notes.
The first new thought was this growing idea that perhaps the crack in the 'Stone Kept A Falling' gorge, might not have found its beginnings at the top or even the bottom of the Great Cliff’s side but that it may have begun inside the yawn, deep under the land of the Cedars. Mr…Mimm had a feeling that this was important and should be studied as soon as his (so very very) busy schedule would allow.
His second new thought was much more pertinent as regarding the present time.
“I think,” he thought, “that I will have to dig a much deeper hole for those persistent older memories.” This he did so… right away.
Next, Mr…Mimm drifted off on a passing zephyr, or thought. The winds were heading outwards. “No doubts.” he whispered aloud, or in thought, “everything will work out fine, that is,” he amended, “will be alright.”
He had no intentions of staying any longer; as his keen eyes saw what he knew would be in his way. An outcropping of rock just below him, waiting for him to ride, not unlike the approaching airwaves of yester years; this ledges’ protrusion, into the winds. The smallest of possible protrusions which, when finally seen, could be construed as standing out. Yet, a protrusion none the less.
“Good!” He declared for all who might be near enough to hear. Then Mr…Mimm keeping in mind the importance of keeping his eyes wide open…jumped off this cliff’s side.
Mr…Mimm landed. The same baby ledge that always seemed to capture him.
He couldn’t fly anymore, it seemed he also could not fall any further, but he could still cry. Nobody could see him cry here, this was still, by all accounts, the best place for old dreams to die. A little ledge on this cliffs’ side.
Yes, yes indeed, Mr...Mimm hated falling dreams.
Author notes
dooopeedo THEME: “fears are sleeping nightmares, and nightmares are sleeping fears.”
This is a story about the self inflicted handicaps which perpetuate each of our own lost dreams. A mockongbird who having seen his brother die while flying has now a self inflicted fear of flying.
A contest entry
- Contest Short Story of the Week - SOW - by Bear by Arkbear.
1050 points, ended September 15, 2008, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and EVERYTHING! by xVamPirexMusiCx.
400 points, ended October 27, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prose by whiterabbit..
480 points, ended April 20, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme,Lyrics, Prose, Dirty Pretty. by Antebellum.
800 points, ended September 24, 290 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Moses Supposes his Proses... by The Molt.
900 points, ended October 31, 5 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This Sir. is true art... !
Pulitzer.
Look out world.
Wonderful prose.
Worthy of all the highest praise.
Belongs on the front page.
Should come with an AP mascot.
I'm sending out my petition.
Just-art... true art.
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wow, i am humbled by your reply-thank you,,,peace
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Yes, this is a prose. And, it is a very beautiful one at that. You're very spot on with the ironic "for naught" ending. (if that makes any sense) Though, I could see it coming from a mile away, it's the journey there, innit? I loved this journey, and you should continue writing like this. Oh, and you have Mr...Mimm jumping "of" the cliff. Just a minor flaw. As tiny as a tick yet just as harmful. (just kidding) Good luck in the contest!
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Thank you - I have taken care of that pesky tick and yes all ticks are potentialy harmful if they are not dealt with(thanks for the heads up)..peace
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Sat with Mr M on the ledge a while tried to reason with him and myself did not do either of us any good.. may stay here with him to day. Silly old mocking Bird silly old me.
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Mr. Mimm thanks you aiyana...I myself have spent hours trying to reason with him and all I've gotten is this silly old story. Maybe it would be easier to talk to him if he would'nt stutter his name all the time-Mr...Mimm-then again we all have or own hesitations...peace.
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Wow. Interesting write. I normally cant focus on longer writes, but this kept my attention, and then some.
Thank you for entering this, I see why you have won a silver.
Good luck in my contest. -
There is a lovely flow to this and such a lovely moral... You used the theme well and I love the fact that it's part of the 'Runt Oak' set of stories. Well done.
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Thank you, it was a very nice story, I haven't seen many stories like this on AP
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very nice i love it love the way it flows great wok keep it up...
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thank you very much for your comment I 'm glad you enjoyed Mr...Mimm...peace
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Job well done with this story Michael. Congratulations on winning a silver cup for your efforts. I really enjoyed this.
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Michael thank you , loved him he is so like many of us. tries to reason with himself and then again he worries himelf out of his own answers.I loved Mr M..MMM
I wished him a better fate.
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This was fantastic, Mike. You have characterized this old bird so well. We learn of his past, or at least his perspective of it, and most importantly we learn his present circumstance. I love how the reader must put two and two together... we must sort through Mr. Mimm's thoughts and the descriptions of the symbolic surroundings to make the true picture for ourselves. For as we come to learn, Mr. Mimm's perspective is skewed by his experience and present emotions. The attention to detail and the voice you gave to the bird served your reader so well to define his character. Truly well done.
I like the dual meaning of FALLING dreams. The reader doesn't pick up on it quite at first, except only the hint of duality. But at the end we see what you have been painting in or imaginations all along. We feel his sorrow and sense his frustration.
This story was well told, easy to follow, and certainly held my interest start to finish. I could vividly imagine the imagery which was so well described, and the emotion, particularly toward the end was so evident.
Well done, bud!
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Thank you Ten-I needed that- I was wondering if my points were all lost with regards to both the judges and Mr...Mimm, due to my inability to convey but with your keen(eagle likened critique) my faith is restored. Yes it was about 'falling dream' and their tolls taken. The only death here was the death of a dream.I live to write another day- Thank you Ten and have a great weekend!
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Thank you to all the judges who have taken so much of their precious time to make this contest so efficient. I can not say enought to convey the appreciation I have for such sacrifice. Peace and God bless.
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Hi Michael, and welcome to the SOW!
Wow, I really have to say, I found this to be a deeply introspective story. I'm not usually one for narratives, but the realization in your first paragraph that it was a bird at the center of the story kept my attention nicely.
It did take a couple of readings for some of this to become clear to me. Mr....Mimm has a very unique voice...which I loved because it kept him "in character", but at the same time made it a little harder at times to assimilate his thoughts. I'm very impressed by how much characterization can be gleaned just from the internal dialogue of Mr....Mimm.
A couple of small things to note...
“there was (is) just too much, so many things, still left for me to think about.”
"Mr…Mimm grinned for the past before returning his thoughts to the present, behind and beyond the willow, to the crevice" I found that somewhat awkward...what about something like, "Mr...Mimm grinned, thinking of the past, before returning his thoughts to the present and the crevice, which lay behind and beyond the willow." Just a thought, in any case.
“I wonder,” he went on, thinking to himself. “I wonder if Gentle Elder were alive at that time?” Repeating "I wonder" isn't really necessary, unless those words are, or would actually be, repeated in Mr...Mimm's own mind. But only you can make that call.
"Next, Mr…Mimm drifted off on a passing zephyr, or thought. " I'd suggest removing "or thought" from this line, as it is giving the definition of "zephyr"...and if you're going to do that, there isn't really a reason to use the word "zephyr" in the first place...IMO.
I have to agree with Tim that the overuse of "Mr....Mimm" with the three dots, really does become a hindrance to the story.
I wouldn't want to see you remove ALL of them, but used sparingly, would be best, IMO. To be completely honest 
...I'm not sure why the ... 's are there? Maybe it's just me though, and the late hour?
Your ending holds a lot of impact...I was so sad to learn of his impending death, though!
But ya know...not every story can end happily.
All in all, a nice job...very different from what I'm used to reading, but I enjoyed it none the less, once I became accustomed to Mr...Mimm's voice/tone.
Good luck, and thanks so much for your entry!
Best wishes,
~J.
No editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies have been awarded.
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Welcome to SOW!
The story was interesting in a melancholy way, i agree fable like.
The repetitive use of Mr...Mimm was unnecessary and using other words such as he or him would have gave this write a better feel.
The Title did not grab me at all.
Although i was intrigued by Mr...Mimm and his story.
It was a great read in itself, as to what you the author was trying to bring to the contest.
You have talent...I see it coming, just need to tweak your methods a bit.
I did enjoy the read... made me think of my dad for some reason.
I did know why Mr. Mimm lost his will to fly...fear.
All in all you did well and hope to see you again here.
Remember: No editing after Judges has commented.My scores will be on the final judging.
Keep penning and wishing you well in the contest.
~Lisa~
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Hello & welcome to SOW!
What can I say about Mr...Mimm? It's a nice tale, one with a moral about choices in the eve of someone's life ~ in this particular case, an old mockingbird. Lovely painted imagery lace this story centered around a monologue.
Structurally, everything looks to be fine ~ sentence structure, punctuation, etc. If anything were to distract the reader, it would be the constant mention of Mr...Mimm throughout the story.
Mr...Mimm, with its "..." force an unnatural pause in reading a proper name. Using "Mr...Mimm" as the title and the character's name continuously throughout the write would only hurt the story rather than add to it. Perhaps removing the ... in his name & coming up with a more eye-catching title would help.
My scores with additional comments will reflect the rest of my judging.
Remember: No editing once a judge has touched your work, until after trophies have been awarded.
Rules: 4.5/5 ~ Non-white BG, please try adjusting the color in your next entry.
Opening: 4.5/5 ~ I liked how this story started with a free-verse poem that lead into the body of this write.
Middle: 4.5/5 ~ Nicely done.
Ending: 4.5/5 ~ I found it sad that Mr...Mimm was about to eventually die shortly after the story ended...
Theme: 3/5 ~ Dreams aren't all that uncommon, and honestly it looked more (to me) like Mr...Mimm was observing the world around him as he was dying.
Imagery: 5/5 ~ No complaints about the scenery the author painted, well done.
Dialogue: 5/5 ~ Well done, even if he was speaking mostly to himself
Setting: 5/5 ~ Again, well done. I liked how the author described the gorge.
Point of View: 5/5 ~ 3rd person narrative.
Sentence Structure: 4.5/5 ~ I would have liked seeing more pronouns used instead of Mr...Mimm mentioned all throughout.
Basic Grammar: 4.5/5
Punctuation: 4.5/5
Style: 4.5/5 ~ Written in a nice, fable-like style.
Show Vs. Tell: 4/5 ~ Beautiful imagery, but I'm not sure why Mr...Mimm lost his will to fly after crashing on the small ledge.
Ability to Hold Interest: 7/10 ~ An enjoyable read.
Character Development: 3.5/5 ~ We are shown how Mr...Mimm viewed his world, but not so much about Mr...Mimm himself.
Originality: 3.5/5 ~ Fables often use animals to express human thoughts and dreams.
Lasting Impression: 7/10 ~ Mr...Mimm's name is forever lodged in my brain
Total: 83.5/100 ~ Nicely done!
Thank you & best wishes in SOW!
~ Tim
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This was a wonderfully penned writ, that seemed much like a fable, teaching morals and awareness. A most enjoyable read. Thanks for entering, and best wishes in the comp
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Has a mythic quality and it speaks to me about consciousness, the dream and so on.
Good luck with it.
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