In the company of madnes I sit; a friend to the afflicted.
I watch as behind closed eyes he searches for truth and light.
He speaks and motions-jibberish and charades
acted out unconsciously between facial tics and body spasms.
His mind is not his own- it belongs now to his liver.
During brief moments of drug induced sanity
we speak of fishing trips, our kids, of happy times.
Sanity is too precious to be wasted on trivial matters.
Our friendship has embraced winter solstice on five occasions,
I dare to wish for a sixth and most likely final chance
to share a winters day shooting the breeze about nothing in particular
and everything important,to share a moment, a heartfelt word and a laugh.
There is a deeper meaning in his sometimes complete sentences and observations,
as if his mind, sensing permanent hibernation struggles to release all pertinent data lest it be lost with his demise. He drinks an empty glass of nothing, closes his eyes, mumbles, and for the fifth time in as many minutes he rises and roams and speaks to those who are not there.
My heart knows what my mind refuses to accept-he will never be the same again and before long he will cease to be at all, except in photographs, hearts and memories.
Author notes
I spent the the weekend taking care of my friend Rick who is dying of liver disease, his liver is over producing ammonia which, when it gets to the brain, causes physchosis and hallucinations. I have only known Rick for 5 years but he has in that time become one of my best friends in the world. He is my fishing buddy, my xbox golf buddy, a true friend to me, my wife and my kids. He lived in our basement as a renter for the first three years I knew him and it was in that time our friendship was cemented. he was until recently a heavy drinker, which played a large part in his liver problems, but a truer friend one could not find. Having spent the weekend with him- basically babysitting him I got a truer picture of how bad it is- and it is bad- they wont put him on a transplant list until he has not had a drink for six months- but they also doubt he can make it six months without a transplant- I am praying he makes it past Christmas and possibly to his birthday in January-but I am not hopeful. Damn it, I have too few good friends to be losing them so early in life.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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"His mind is not his own- it belongs now to his liver."
The medical reality of this line saddens me. I was able to escape such a horrible affliction by letting the drink go some 12 years ago. I thank God for providing the way out for me. I also give myself a semblance of credit for knowing that the alcohol was killing me slowly.
I am so sorry for the distress that Rick is in and your feelings of helplessness, as much as you appear to be helping. You continue to do what you are doing Terry. Even in his obviously unknowing state, he knows. God bless you and him!
Always ♥
Renee
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Renee , I am glad to reprt that ricks doctors have told him that his liver is bouncing back a little since he stopped drinking- hes not out of the woods yet but he is doing much better and has not been foggy minded in two weeks- I went by on my lunch break from work today to make myself a cup of tea( he lives 3 minutes from my new workplace) and he was outside working on his van and loving it. he is sounding and feeling much more like his old self( so he told me today) and it makes me very happy to see. i dont have many people I consider close friends and I cant afford to lose one
...peace
Terry
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This is a great piece of writing. The slight detachment of the poet's point of view allows all the emotions to be experienced and the sad story becomes somehow a triumph of friendship. I hope your friend does well after the operation, and you are able to share more time together. Peace.
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The piece as a written art form is fantastic. You get the image of a situation that could be scary but instead is filled with compassion. Excellently written, beautifully descriptive & revealing. This is the kind of work that causes one to broaden their view as they sit spell bound reading this riveting work from the heart. I loved it.
The story is sad and my thoughts are with you. I hope for the best! No matter what happens at least you are aware he will live on in memories, special & unique to the sharing between two friends, and that no one can take away!
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful and personal piece.
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thank you for your high appraisal of this. I am happy to report that Rick is now a candidate for a transfer and will shortly, be put on a list for a new liver. At the moment he is still in hospital but now that they have figured out his meds, he is doing much better mentally and physically, but still without a new liver his time is measured in months now. He is one of very few close friends that I have , so I am hoping a transfer is done in time, thanks for stopping by to read...peace
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What a heartbreaking situation and so sad to see a dear friend deteriorate this way Terry. My heart goes out to you but also to Rick. Lets hope that by some miracle he survives long enough to gt that transplant and to recover sufficiently to recapturethe friendship you have with him.
Ann
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yes it is ann, but in amongst it all the friendship still remains and we still have our moments...pece terry
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