A long narrow bed, built to hold just one
comfortably it keep's me, when my journeys done.
Adorning my bed with silk, lined from head to toe
a frivolous waste of luxury, to be buried down below.
A cool satin pillow , on which to rest my head
could just as well be burlap, doesn't matter if you're dead.
Such silky satin in life, had never graced my skin
so what good will it do me, down this hole I'm in.
Above me a few still living, their busy footsteps tread
gently placing graven stone, just above my head.
There's just one more thing, before in peace I'm left alone
a luscious carpet of green, which sun and rain has grown.
Now everything is quiet, I can't even here a peep
they've finally left me alone, it's time for my long sleep.
Author notes
The thoughts of the dearly departed after being buried
POW
In a list
- Green Cups • next in list
- PO & Winkling • next in list
- Death, Grief And Life After Death • next in list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended September 16, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I like the story line of this poem. It flows nicely, and I like the contradictions it made clear between what lifes like sometimes as opposed to what it's like after we're gone.
Very well written
Thank you for entering in my contest 
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yikes; this was amazing - and NOT what i was expecting when i clicked on it first; but you made death sound rather approachable, and even something to be anticipated lol.
im quite tired NOW and sure wouldnt mind laying down in that bed for a bit!
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Hey Bill and Welcome[again] to the POW!
I agree with trista completely though this is not my favorite by personal preference this is in my top 4 for sure. It is rather well punctuated and Despite the few spelling errors you managed to get pretty much perfect flow and rhythm to this write. Congrats and good luck.
~ Remember no editing once a judge has touched your work~
-vampy xxx -
Hi Bill, and welcome back to the POW
I really liked this, and while it might not end up being the highest scoring poem I've read thus far, I do believe it's my favorite. I thought your theme was rather unique, myself...but then we are all used to reading different things I suppose. 
There are a few spelling and/or typo errors...
"Keeps" in L2 doesn't need the apostrophe
"here" should be "hear" in second to last line
Beyond that, the only real issue I see is the depth of the write... How to fix that I'm not exactly sure, but then not everything "has" to be anything more than it is. I still think this will have a good lasting impression. Oh, title could use something a bit spicier perhaps, as this in no way made me anxious to read. And missing this would have been a loss to me and the much needed smile it gave me.
Thanks for joining us again, and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J.
Remember: no editing once a judge comments, until after trophies have been handed out. My scores will be included in final notes.
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Welcome to the POW for 9/12/08
This is a nice change of pace. A sort of 'tongue in cheek' look at the afterlife.
I would have liked to see a catchier title here. This one wouldn't necessarily draw me in to read, and I was
immediately reminded of Chandler's novel, "The Big Sleep".
"Journey's" needs an apostrophe.
Good use of rhyme in this write. The meter is choppy in spots, but overall, a 'fun' read.
One typo I spotted, next to last line. 'hear'..not 'here'
Nothing too deep...(pardon my pun) *
* about this one..a simple tale, told simply..but well.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Hi Bill - nice to see your talents here again.
First off, I don't think I'd click on this title - although not bad for this write, I do feel it is just not that impactful.
Your theme is not unique, but you have done this very creatively with good wording and good images. It reads nicely, although I feel your lines are a little long.
In your next-to-the-last line, the word should be spelled "hear".
This does have some emotion and impact - mainly in the thoughts it would leave someone with. A nice entry.
Best wishes in the contest. My scores will appear in my final notes.
**Remember, no editing once a judge has commented on your work.
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Hi and welcome to the pow
for me this is not the best read
but non the less I think that you did
a good job with and it does leave
the reader with a bit
of smile and something
to think about my
score will appear at the end of
the contest with my
closing notes be well -
Aloha and Welcome Bill!
Glad to see you returning and
striving for that Gold….
This is a well done piece,
however the theme is not unique…
There a few minor mistakes:
journeys Should read journey’s
Rhyme is rather basic…but
flow and rhythm are there…
All in all, a well penned write…
however, more creativity and
poetic devices are needed to come out
on top….Best wishes in the contest!
Hope to see you and your wonderful
talent back next week!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has
commented on your work. My scores will
appear in the final notes.
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Loved it....Clever humor entwined with sense Good luck in the contest
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Humorous and compellingly correct. I've never really understood the pomp and ceremony and expense that goes into burial. In fact, I can't understand burial. When my body no longer holds my soul, they can grind it up and use it for fertilizer for all I care. Better than taking up precious ground which we are rapidly using up. Good poem, and it had a folksy philosophy to it.
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