A racing mind's propensity
chased by it's own desires.
Grows with great intensity
like flames of raging fires.
Path with little discretion,
insatiably thirst for fuels.
Mainstream gives direction,
knows not of social rules.
The difference in potential,
creation of violent forces.
Powerful release essential,
devastating future courses.
My actions lack explanation,
depiction is nomenclature.
Pushed for my justification,
reply, "It's Just My Nature".
Author notes
*POW* contest
The theme is a frantic mind shares many characteristics with a tornado or any destructive force that's unpredictable.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended September 16, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Welcome to the PO contests!! I loved your flow and meter throughout the poem. Your rhyming I must say.. I LOVE because it isn't plain. "pain" "gain" it's a complex rhyme scheme which I liked a lot. I enjoyed your overall theme of this poem, I have never really read a poem on this theme so congrats to this, this poem seemed so spiritually connected to the tornado. Brimming with imagery, flow and emotion. well done. I can't properly critique this. Its half 2 in the morning and I can't think straight but seriously all jokes aside this is very well done! Congrats.
-vampy xxx -
Welcome back to the PO contests!
I enjoyed your poem and its theme...though granted it doesn't strike me as being especially out of the ordinary.
The title did pique my curiosity a bit...I think you might do even better if you let the poem sit a while first. Sometimes coming back to a poem gives you new ideas...works for me, anyway. 
I agree with my co-judges on pretty much everything...the one thing I did want to add is that I find very little concrete imagery, making this much more "tell" than "show". The better a reader can visualize what you're saying, the more likely it is to stick in their mind. Even one or two well-placed metaphors or similes (like the one in L4) would go a long way IMO.
I thought your rhyme was nicely done, more complex than we soooo often see, so that's another plus. Good flow for the most part also.
Thanks so much for joining us again, and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J.
Remember: no editing once a judge has commented, until after trophies are awarded.
Title: -
Welcome to the POW for 9/12/08
Both your title and your theme strike me as being intriguing and would peak my interest.
Great rhyme scheme throughout, and the flow is good for the most part.
In reading, I found that for me, the first stanza would read smoother if a comma replaced the period after 'desires'. This seems like one continuous thought, and the period causes a small stumble.
Also, in stanza 2, line 2, I think either 'insatiable thirst' or insatiably thirsts'. The way you have it mixes tenses and creates another slight stumble.
Finally, closing line, I think 'I reply' works better.
I loved your use of the language, and your ability to keep rhyme and flow working with your choice of wording. I was particularly impressed with 'nomenclature'.
An excellent entry, IMO. I think this will do well in the scoring.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented. -
Welcome....nice to see your talents join us this week.
Your title is not something I would click on - too vague and not real interesting. I would recommend a title that would appeal - and draw people to click and read.
Your theme is not that unique, but you've done it well. Your wording and images were good. The flow for me - I am not a fan of capping every other line. It's just my personal taste. It seems to stop me at the end of every 2 lines - which, for me, cuts a nice flow in half. Ignoring your caps, this read very well.
Rules followed nicely and neat presentation. Thank you for your entry.
Best wishes in the contest. My scores will appear in my final notes.
**Remember, no editing once a judge has commented on your work.
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Hi there and welcome
I did enjoy this piece it reminds
me of the battle that can be within many lifes
as we live each day to go through without losing
what we have worked so hard for with
a storm that comes without warning
it can be devastating to the life of
one and the human spirit.
This is a nice piece.
My scores will appear
at the end of the contest
with my final notes be well -
Aloha and welcome to POW!
This is an enjoyable poem,
and well penned…
Just a couple of suggestions
that may tighten this up a bit:
“Path with little discretion,
insatiably thirst for fuels.”
It should be thirsts….or paths…
either would work.
“Mainstream gives direction,
knows not of social rules.”
I would leave out “of”.
Theme is not unique as we
like to see…and your title
is a bit on the cliché side
as is the poem…
Your metaphors are well
done….
Best wishes in the contest…
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has
commented on your work. My scores will
appear in the final notes. -
I like the last comment- but I disagree. Were I ever to state such things? A sedative they'd say. Beautiful poem however I think you did well.
Good luck in the PO contests
-LEs -
Outstanding!
It's the textbook diagnosis that permits doctors to prescribe Prozac. Well written, a little scary, but in the end, it's all about choices. I like the nature analogy, so evacuate now! Good luck in the contest. -
Self destruction buttons are in us all...trick is not to trigger them
I think you gave a good justification Good luck in the contest 
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