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Sea Of Remembrance

She placed her feet where he stood

still feeling the warmth beneath moist sand,

Again, lost in departure.

 

Tears mix with misted sea spray,

ignoring waves cresting crescendo.

The sounds of their last lovemaking.

 

Pleading, just turn back~

 

His heart of mighty oak,

strength like pillars holding the distant dock.

Her fragile enigma longs to be wrapped

in his heavy swell.

 

He came roaring like high tide

scented sea salt arousing senses.

Entangled, she was captured in nets

falling into depth's unknown.

 

Left silently, she feels like driftwood

carried upon gritting sand.

Trembling sadness adorns the eyes

that once shined into his like mother of pearl.


 

 Whispering thought, remember me...

Author notes

Image: "God Is Surf" by Kevin Roberts

Use photographic art & Theme's title:
"God IS Surf...The Feminine Divine Enfolds Male Nature"
as your prompt to sensual ink.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    really love the imagery supporting the emotions you share in these lines. i particularly like the first two lines. nicely written.

  • Bob Fox
    July 16

    Edit | Reply

    Poet

    And beautiful write and perhaps a peek into the mind of the common women when love comes quickly and then is gone. Seems to fit perfect with the beautiful picture dear poet.


  • Blue Rew silver member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Remembrance" seems her only true embrace...
    Sensual elements play their part here and
    the inclusion of seaside metaphor ties the
    sensuality tight to the image. Both male
    and female are represented well here. He
    is the spotlight, she the shadow-play.
    Feminine is portrayed as filled with self-
    doubt and a longing to finally be enough
    to "net" him the way she has been captured.
    There is no way to miss this emotion but
    it is not overplayed. In appreciation, Blue


  • poppa
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful write sissy loving the imagery, just leaps off the page... one suggestion, perhaps change "gritting" to "scathing" ? just a thought...

    love it sissy


  • tomisb
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I am looking at these in reference to the same standard. I agree to help Blue judge this and I will review each poem in depth. I don't do a whole lot any one day. i hope you understand why.

    The opening verse creates a picture. Her feet in his footprints. I found it intriging. It creates a feeling of intimacy, of hands being held, a sense of safety, until, I read the last line. "Again, lost in departure."

    Again. more than once safety and warmth dissolved, washed away. This makes a mockery of what proceeded. She is a fool. This may not be your response. It is mine. This is not a right or wrong. It just is.

    The second verse re-enforces my sense of her being used to abuse. The waves and spray a hiding place but most of all the next two. "ignoring waves cresting crescendo./The sounds of their last lovemaking." The imagery is sensual, almost erotic but in this place with what as gone before and the ignore word, calling it lovemaking sounds sardonic and the word last sounds like she is being saved from a world of hurt. The title becomes a statement of cynicism by now. For what is there to want to remember.

    Pleading for him to turn back, meaning don't leave. Now I am losing my sympathy for she give away her personal power and begs. I do not see this in a positve light.

    His heart of mighty oak,
    strength like pillars holding the distant dock.
    Her fragile enigma longs to be wrapped
    in his heavy swell.

    This verse has very beautifully done sensual imagery with strong symbols built into it. He is everything that is strong and he is distant out of reach. She is fragile (i.e. easily broken) hard to understand(why would someone want to be used by someone who can not be present) Cause he is sexy and can wrap her up in a sense of his strength. This makes her sound like a nothing unless he is around. I have watched too many abused or emotional harmed in this stuff.

    He came roaring like high tide
    scented sea salt arousing senses.
    Entangled, she was captured in nets
    falling into depth's unknown.

    He is fierceness, she is the prize. and she is the one who falls. AGAIN

    Left silently, she feels like driftwood
    carried upon gritting sand.
    Trembling sadness adorns the eyes
    that once shined into his like mother of pearl.


    Whispering thought, remember me...

    She is flotsam and jetsam as he has left again (beginning verse) She has tried to worship him and he lives because she is unworthy. Again she is a signiture of how women who will be abused and used first give away their power. She is not feminine strength enfolding her man, she is left hoping he remembers her. Why? was she not worth remembering. If he does and comes again will it just be to be laid and use her again. He gets off and she remains falling in a hopeless dream.

    You may feel I have really messed up your romantic piece and if you do I am truly sorry. You missed totally what I am trying to tell you. Love is a partnership. This is a description of abandonment and submission. It is described with much beauty. It comes across seductively. Your use of sensual language and imagery is stunning.

    You tell me.

    Peace,
    Tom B.











    • BeautifulFlame
      September 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ummmm
      Well Tomis,maybe you see into me better than i do.
      Actually upon writing i was thinking about her feet and her expression. Many times before my life finally got settled down (when my love kept having to leave me,before finally making his move to my home).
      I was in fear of being unworthy at times and wondered if things would be okay.
      So i feel you have read deeper into me than even what i could see...
      Still have fear ...sometimes.
      Creature of habit.
      Although i wrote this as a love poem...hmmm

      As I said, ummm


  • theburninglegend silver member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    IDKWTS

    I do not know what to say, they have all said everything that could be said about you, You are truly an awesome poet, and this poetry in motion, great Job my dear frien!!!... I hope all is Good and wish that your dad is recovering as well, Good luck in the contest and if you get a Gold, it is well desrved win


    ***HUGS***
    thelegend


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awesome write here

    She is truly an awesome poet indeed I love her work


  • Riftkin gold member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is pure poetry in motion. Soft, sensual and nothing but possitive love in it. Your words bring life to this picture, not just for the moment, but what happen before. True beauty here dear poet.

    Riftkin


  • Griswold silver member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a beautiful piece of work. You captured her look perfectly in my opinion. And what's even more amazing is that I understood a free verse poem. There is no best part, it's gold start to finish...Scott


  • Age of Rain
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'Ignoring waves cresting crescendo.
    The sounds of their last lovemaking.'

    exceedingly lovely.

    This is a truly expressive write filled with powerful and drawing emotions. Also, your font KICKS! SO well done!


  • Sweet Impatience gold member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh my guardian angel this is absolutely beautiful and I love it. the imagery that you've used through out this is quite vivid and excellent. I felt such strong emotions of sadness as I read this. this touched a place within my heart. I found this poem to be thought provoking as well as being deep. the last line hit me hardest.. "Pleading, remember me..."

    Outstanding.


    good luck in the contest

    your lost angel

    kat


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully Written!

    Wow, this is such a sad yet, beautiful
    thought for this picture my friend!
    I love all of your imagery and the metaphors
    that you used in this. Lovely work and all
    the best to you in this contest! Keep up the
    wonderful work here and thanks a lot for sharing
    it with us all!




    Jeremy0826


  • Angelflower
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful!! very soft and delicate.. The flow of this write really brings the reader in, and the heartfelt emotion brings tears to the eyes! I loved the imagery as well! it was vivid and detailed! I love poems that have the ocean in them! and while I was reading this I felt it! I know that may sound weird but it was like this poem should be read outside with the sun setting slowly upon a beach, just reading this lovely piece!! it really touched my heart.. Thank you very much for sharing! I truly loved this! Best of luck in the contest!


    Angel


  • stavykm gold member
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Stunning

    Wow this is just stunning. I saw this contest and you did an increadible job with this pic. You captured the yearning side of this woman for that man that once embraced her on the sand. Oh I absolutely loved the imagery with the emotions. This is like a masterpiece of poetry. One of my favorites of yours for sure.

    Left silently she feels like driftwood
    carried upon gritting sand
    Trembling sadness adorns the eyes
    that once shined into his like mother of pearl

    Pleading remember me..

    Oh and I just love the romance upon the the sand of our beautiful oceans. You brings to the senses as well with the smell and taste of the ocean as well as the feeling of the misty waters salty air. Just beautiful my sweet sister and best wishes in the contest.
    Many Blessings
    Much Love
    Your Sis
    Kelle Marie


  • The Otep
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Woo hoo! Amazingly beautiful! You can tell that there was a lot of work put into this..

    "still feeling the warmth beneather moist sand" **shivers**

    Brillant and keep penning!


  • Jasmine Rayne
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful poem! Your hard work has surely paid off!

    "She placed her feet where he stood

    still feeling the warmth beneath moist sand,

    Again, lost in depature."

    Absolutely outstanding beginning. I loved it. I could feel the loneliness of the girl in the picture. Beautiful. ["dapature" should be "departure" ]

    "Tears mix with misted sea spray

    Ignoring waves creasting creacendo.

    The sounds of their last lovemaking.



    Pleading, just turn back~"

    This part makes me smile. I can feel the love of these two people in these few lines. ["creasting" and "creacendo" should be "creasing" and "crescendo" ]

    "His heart of mighty oak,

    strength like pillars holding the distant dock.

    Her fragile enigma longs to be wrapped

    in his heavy swell."

    I think you may have opened up my past and spilled the emotions out in ink! I have definitely been here before. The numbing feeling of the pining to be with that one person... Absolutely amazing. I love this!

    "He came roaring like high tide

    scented sea salt arousing sences.

    entangled, she was captured in nets

    falling into dephts unknown."

    I love the alliteration in the second line of this stanza. ^_^ It's really something great. I love the description you use to paint the picture of an ill-natured man corrupting a girl... Lovely. ["sences" and "dephts" should be "senses" and "depths" ]

    "Left silently, she feels like driftwood

    carried upon gritting sand.

    Trembling sadness adorns the eyes

    that once shined into his like mother of pearl.



    Pleading, remember me..."

    I love this. The feeling of being used... Definitely like driftwood, as you've described it. And the realization that you were just a game, and that this person will not remember you. And yet we still wish this to be true... Well done! I absolutely adored this, and if you don't win this contest, I'm going to cry lol Great job!







    -Lily♥


    • BeautifulFlame
      September 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you lily,
      My butt saved from tired eyes i was up till almost 5 am writing lol.
      Bless you hun!
      All fixed
      hugs


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Humm..This is really very moving impression bringing the dimention of a thought forming an image of this life's truth through the poetic vision of your wonderful vision..well done indeed..


  • maralisa silver member
    September 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a beautiful poem with some pure heartfelt emotion and imagery good luck in the contest


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    captured in nets, falling to depths unknown. I like tht line and it inspires me. Beautiful entry. ~Pamela

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