The sun is shining, picnic packed,
Children's excitement rising fast.
Large gates loom before their eyes
Entrance to the zoo; it's so vast!
Hand over money to bored teller,
Usher small feet through the door,
They run with glee, stop and stare,
Through the crowds; animals galore.
"See the giraffe, it's so tall",
"Look at the elephant; see his size!"
"The monkey's so cute; I want them all!"
Yet I find myself seeing them
Through different eyes.
The sad face of the monkey
Who's clinging to a tree,
Bored out of his wits,
Longing to be free.
The majestic lion
Pacing to and fro,
Trapped in his enclosement
With nowhere else to go.
The zebra running
Across the plains
Are stopped by a wire fence;
Their freedom it claims.
And the elephant lumbers,
A chain on his leg,
Chained to the ground;
By a leash to a peg.
Born wild beasts to run,
Loose on a landscape stage,
Brought to their knees
In a small wire cage.
The children don't notice
The animals'silent cries
They see only their cuteness;
I can't see past their melancholy eyes.
Author notes
the ending is very raw, any suggestions / critique appreciated =)
Option Number 1; a trip to the zoo
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is adorable!! You did a lovely job portraying the animals in this write!! I love how give such fantastic details of your fun day at the zoo!! This is excellent!! I love it!!
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Excellent write here
So true for I see the eyes which tells all for it is so sad they are used as for show for people and not just seen within the wild . It makes me cry
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Well composed poem.
I sensed this when we visited the zoo this year. you have described this well.
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I think this poem has a lot of the right images. A lot of people don't think of the dignity of the animals when they go to the zoo. They think only of what they're seeing instead of the other side of the issue. I think the ending of the poem illustrates the theme of the work very well and that it's fine as it is.
John
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comme ci, comme ca
I loved, and understood the view of the peice, i feel you may have let the rhyme scheme take advantage of you. sometimes when the rhyme is pushed, it makes the lines seem almost, contived. Let the meaning always take the stage as the star, the rhyme is secondary. When both star together, it is magic.
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I really enjoyed reading this.
It's too bad that we have to capture animals
in order to really appreciate them. They are
so beautiful and majestic, bringing so much
joy into our lives. You did a great job with
this and I thank you for sharing it here. I
wish you all the best in this contest and thank
you for sharing it with us all here!
Jeremy0826
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your flow seems a little askew..with some word reduction..the little words like..a, the , and..should help some..not sure what to do with your ending..this does have great potential...your muse will come..when she is ready..hehe..mine can be so cantankerous too..just be patient..thanx so much for sharing and best of luck in the contest..blessings..namaste..
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Excellent
Actually, I quite like your ending. It is very poignant. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing. -
Very nicely done, thank you for your fine entry in this contest. My best wishes always.
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