April ribbons
flow free
from flesh and bone
that gave my breath a song ~
Reflected in mirrors
that part of me
so portrait like and blue
a carbon copy of mommy’s girl;
and I love your voice
that hangs gently beside my soul
staying in tune with the beat of my heart
but I fell from yesterday’s strings
long before you even knew
I could stand alone
crossing from one shadow to another
You cannot see me
this far from your world
where I’ve landed
some place not made for tears
and I’m me now
turning life’s unknown pages
without you
A contest entry
- Contest for free verse poems... PW of Sept'08 allowed by Manoj Sanyal.
370 points, ended September 15, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Heartfelt extension
Your month metaphor stood out, incorporating the vision of life's thread through time. "from flesh and bone that gave my breath a song" captures how close maternal bond is, securely free to imagination. This poem expresses reaching out, and I admire the treasured reaction you were urgent for in line 8, in full speculum.
Lines 9 and 10 really tessellate this genteel relationship, nothing flashy or 'cool,' but harmonizing in tight, simple cords. It's gripping the sad intensity of the instant break-off from childhood, "crossing from one shadow to another" illustrates the breaking borderlines of real need and persistence.
And, far less reassurement except maybe from a phone call, and I like how you pointed out the future waves that are even steeper.
I'm happy and sorry you wrote this tender departing over moments towards any family,
Daisy -
The strength is within even when we believe we don't have any, still we continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep going. There seems to be much personal feeling in this. Best to you and congratulations to you on the shiny green trophy. It should have been gold.
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This is a good poem.
Deep and meaningful realization...
Last three lines indicate some sadness for standing alone.
Best wishes and good luck,
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Oh WOW!!!! This gave me goosebumps! Oh I just love this! It's like finding the strength you never knew you had to stand alone!
Bookmarking this for sure!!!
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