Our breath entwines
Your whisper bites my flesh
‘You shall always be mine’
Your arm curves protectively
…….Around my neck………
The coldness of your heart
Is not hard to ignore
It is the darkness in your eyes
That I fear more.
A bloodless longing,
For the blood that is flowing
Is our love stronger?
Than the immortality that your bite will render
……I wonder...….
You wish to hold me till the end of time
All I wish is that your heart shall be mine
A vicious bite, a helpless cry
It is forever now
That together you and I shall lie.
A contest entry
- TWILIGHT!!! by Missa.
525 points, ended October 15, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best! by Priest Winter.
450 points, ended September 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Twilight by Maili Knephthan.
650 points, ended October 27, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires!!! Write Something on vampires PW by ShiningNShadows.
600 points, ended December 19, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Nice job. That was interesting and I enjoyed it. Good luck and thanks for entering!
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excellent~
Love the way you penned this
I entered too and do hope you come read mine as well
Best of luck in the contest
Susan~~~
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i love twilight! this is such a great description of it! it's not like a description of the book like mine is, it's more like the actually feeling of the books! good job!!!!
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Can I ask you to tell me what form you are using I am just learning form and well I would like to know what one this is. It is a very well written and lovely poem thank you for the entry.
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I'm actually not sure what form it is, free verse i think... I'm not sure...
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I LOVE IT
i love it!!!!
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'Venom of a thousand needles'
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Though you didn't read the rules, I'm willing to overlook it for the simple vampiric idea of the piece itself. A little more punctuation would make this a little more understandable to read. Also with lines 12-13, the question mark after line 12 fits but only if not combined with line 13 which I can only see it with because the statement that line 13 makes is an incomplete thought and is thus makes line 13 dead weight if left as is.
But over-all this is quite an interesting piece and I did enjoy reading it.
Blessed be.
~Winter~ -
omg! great! keep writing!
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at first i though it would be a love poem and the first stanza is good for that but the rest shatters that (in a good way)
I love how the poem almost took on a vampire feel i don't know if that was intended but the poem is great anyway=]
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This is...
Amazing, nothing short of it. Your work is beautiful, I sense that same beauty in your soul.
Much Love,
Grady
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wow.... i didnt even have to look down below to know this where this came from. the longing, the reluctance, the fear, the anxiety... all the emotions flushed together that i felt after reading every book in the twilight series.
youre talent never ceases to amaze me..... bravo
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ooh i likes this one maddi! creepy, awesome imagery, beautiful flow and rhyme, and i think you work well in this less structured sorta form. *shiver* awesome write!
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this is absolutly beautifully written. truely captivating. oddly enough it reminded my of twilight and then i noticed you mentioned that where this was inspired from. i really enjoyed reading this. wonderfully done!
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I'd like to dedicate this poem to my friend 'Prince of Darkness' May your happy ending be forever.
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I love what you have done with this, the story this takes us on. Beautiful wording and great images. Best to you
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Exquisite
Absolutely captivating, my dear. You really have captured the essence of a genuine vampire's embrace in the name of true love. Beautifully written, love.
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I just started reading the 4th twilight book, so you can guess where the inspiration came from.
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