village children
picking the low plums –
the high fruit rots
Author notes
4-5-4
In a list
A contest entry
- HAIKU by Swan song.
550 points, ended September 16, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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This is sweet.
Well-crafted.
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When too difficult to reach, efforts stop and the easiest prevails.
Very good image you show here, the on and behind the lines.
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Lovely vignette.
Perhaps the insects and birds will enjoy the sweetness, that it be not entirely untasted and wasted.
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What counts here is the momentary drawing of attention away from the clamour of the children, to the neglected fruit above, and the passing pang of enlightenment that is almost regret. The whole is an expression of transience.
(At least... that's what it says on the packet)
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I heard the children's noise, and perceived the relative warmth and quiet of the upper branches from the write. I missed the other, still floundering about trying to learn how to understand haiku. Thank you for helping me along. I do think plums were an excellent choice; the ones we grew were both sweet and a little tart.
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Looks like I failed to get it across, then.
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My receiver has a short...shocking!
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that was me at the plum tree lol Sometimes we threw them at cars lol
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They're better eaten.
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Lovely haiku. One thinks of the ones on the ground rotting, but not the high fruit.
A ladder would be nice about now.
Thank you.
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I wrote it upon seeing a friend's Victoria plum tree, and him cursing for having no stepladder. The high ones were indeed rotting.
I'm glad you liked this.
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Oh I love how this piece mixes a happiness and a sadness to create something very vivid. It's great how you can paint a portrait with such a limit.
Great write! -
A lovely picture!
...but my Mum made jam with the ones we couldn't reach!
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Mmmm... plum jam!
(Nice Bulgarian stamp, btw)
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great 'ku. a perfect plum.
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It's not mine - it's Victoria's.
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This is wonderful as it tells a story and paints an image. I would say it’s a cross between a Haiku and a Senryu.
Love,
Amera♥
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I see what you mean - line three can be read to give it a "cause-and-effect" feel - but what I was really trying to achieve was a momentary sense of regret.
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scottish poet
smart observations
not bad haiku
great stuff!
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english cricket
one-day revival
not bad comment
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symonds is out-
england's one day
of glory comes?
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