Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

There is a hole in my soul

Steam rushed from the iron engine
as it rolled into the dark
steel against steel
it slowly did part
Rumbling sounds from the tracks did arise
masking the tears
that  fell from my eyes
with the soot and the fire
that came from  below
keeping my secret
so no one would know
not a single eye
did behold
The horrible emptiness
God had bestowed
that was darker than darkness
That hole in my soul

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • janejainejayne gold member
    October 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo~

    Dear DWN,
    You hit the nail on the head with this one...
    places that none of us talk about, share,
    or discuss. We all have 'That hole in my soul'
    some survive and some succumb.
    We make jokes about skeleton's in closets,
    coming out of the closet, dirty little secrets,
    and suffering...'darker than darkness.'
    'Masking the tears...' Good Job Poet!
    Bravo!
    Jane


  • lostangel07
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you describe this, however I think some of your ideas don't link together as well as they could. I think your writing is good and you should continue


  • trekkergirl
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hummm.... I think you lost me in this one. I at first thought that you were describing a steam engine... however the last lines lead me to believe otherwise... however, you have me curious... what's the horrible emptiness that God did bestow on you? Hummm... got me thinking and that's never a good thing at 1 am. Know what I mean.