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Soldiers of La Vida Loca

Tribute to those still running

Graves of fallen stars mark the losses of a generation
Cracked and bleeding self esteem  corroded by prejudice
Crystal embers of hate sparked by open discrimination
Silenced because no one will admit their issues exist

Pistols glitter in the darkness stopping another heartbeat
Desperate prayers will go unanswered as another soldier falls
Tomorrow plans will be made to claim blood stained concrete
Houses guilty by affiliation won't be ready when death calls

Lines of branding hate decided the racial borders feeding the fire
Chained by the words etching the street raised as condemned
Warehoused by schools who won't let their hopes be flown  higher
Police who drop enemy gangs where their presence will most offend

Amber eyes on a scarred porcelain face are a reflection of what he will become
Bodies of the jumped won't make it into  a coffin or be remembered by enscribed  stone
Street corners held hostage by heroin- claimed by those who have pain to numb
Brothers, sisters, fathers -victims of toxic hate have untold stories never to be known.

Beauty shines in the mothers who work away their lives
Sacrificing so their children can escape being called trash
Every day,trying to show they hear the silenced cries
Sick of watching their babies step on broken glass

Silver shines on a Butterfly's arched wing flying over a doorstep
A symbol of hope that  in this world is as real as fairies
they believe in fear, and the warmth of bodies frozen in death
constantly misunderstood-surviving  a world with no guarantees

Soldiers of sapphire tears and coral colored knives
Charisma of bittersweet leaders incite battles for hate
plastic wrap strangles a targeted soldier in the night
Chained to pain- caught by death's bittersweet embrace

Running through unforgiving streets from the torture of watching a brother die
Staring at the pale pearl moon, a witnessing the harsh terms of  street law
Always being left behind,always running, never knowing when to say good bye
Crippled by silence and discrimination- life of a  Soldier of La Vida Loca

Author notes

Option one for Poet360




I'm using word bank and pain and and addiction. Words at bottom are ones I haven't used yet.
♥ Faulter
♥ Strawberry

My high school thank god doesn't treat people this way but during the 60s and 80s this is a pretty accurate depiction of what it was like for many people in EAst L.A. Many public HS condemn the kids coming from communties where violence is a norm and don't deal with it. They don't integrate the AS (advanced standing) and AP (advanced placement) kids at all with the not AS,AP track kids at all- they are seperated. They complain and abandon and give up and these kids who don't know anything else- they grew up dealing with obstacles and discrimination and by not being willing to help them learn a different way that doesn't build up their trust of the school system or authority. They don't have hope of a future when the school systems give up on them- blaming them doesn't help them learn or make their lives easier. This is also about the gang violence and how it affects the younger generations.

I'm Writing0Freedom

option 15

the better poem of the two

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    You did an amazing job with this write. I love the way you were so descriptive throughout it. Keep the ink flowing and keep up the great writing hun! You truly have a way with words.


  • Misskaoz
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    This poem was amazing and I agreee with many readers below, it is great that you can express yourself so well at that age. I think ,even some adults have trouble expressing themselves. It had a great flow and very descriptive as well. Thanks for entering my contest. Good Luck , Keep on writing.


  • Budart
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    I lived in LA for seven years and had a fair amount of contact with gang kids. It always struck me as incredibly stupid and sad that they took their anger out on each other rather than on the people and institutions that oppress them. Which conveniently enough is what the powerful in this country want. If the gangs ever became class and race conscious and stopped killing each other and started using drug revenue to buy heavy weapons and institute community building programs this country would quickly become a truly different place. As it is they are just rats in a cage biting at each other.

    • Writing0Freedom
      August 15
      Edit | Reply
      I don't think it's stupid, so much as sad. They don't really have anywhere to go, unfortuantely most of the drug leaders don't care about the people suffereing below them and they are fairly wealthy. It's both the people and the institutions of the state responsibility to help them. But the people need help and leadership, and no one is doing that for them. No one is giving them help and ways out, and the public school system is a mess. They don't know anything else, and aren't united, and so they probably think if they fight back against the govt they will get badly hurt, which is true. There's different ways to fight back though. They are speaking up, just not with words, most people don't really listen.


  • frownsnfreckles
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    This is an extremely powerful piece. You have great depth of thought and feeling, with such obvious compassion towards your subject matter. The language of description is mature and vivid, offering an insight into the torturous lives of those abandoned to a destiny which offers little hope.
    Your shift towards the mothers who continue through sheer determination is poignant. Excellent write!


  • CelfistJett
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very interesting poem, mainly because you express your words with great vocabulary at only the age of 15! "Amber eyes on a scarred porcelain face are a reflection of what I will become", my favorite line. Great imagery, great flow. For a long-as-hell poem, you kept it going strong the entire way. Well done young poet


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    You are 15 years old? The Grace of heaven bleeds in your write!
    Thankyou for your entry!
    You have truly touched my heart!

    ears/Seattle
    verses that stung with impact my heart;

    Cracked and bleeding self esteem
    corroded by prejudice

    Silenced because no one
    will admit their issues exist

    Warehoused by schools who won't let their hopes be flown higher
    Police who drop enemy gangs where their presence will most offend

    Street corners held hostage by heroin- claimed by those who have pain to numb
    Brothers, sisters, fathers -victims of toxic hate have untold stories never to be known.

    Beauty shines in the mothers who work away their lives
    Sacrificing so their children can escape being called trash

    Chained to pain- caught by death's bittersweet embrace
    Staring at the pale pearl moon witnessing the harsh terms of street law

    Always being left behind, always running, never knowing when to say good bye
    Crippled by silence and discrimination- life of a Soldier of La Vida Loca

    Before the dawn
    there is always a darkness
    Thankyou for sharing your ink and heart of courage!
    Blessed be...children of heaven...still exist!




  • No Quarter
    July 11
    Edit | Reply
    a very deep write here ,awesome imagery and language. thank you very much for entering.


  • God of Thunder
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    very deep and moving thoughts in this write keep up the good work


  • Ami
    June 27

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is awesome Amazing rhyming
    Thank you so much for entering and Good luck
    -♥Amy♥

  • Mercury Rising
    June 25
    Edit | Reply
    An excellent piece of poetry. Best of luck, and thanks for entering.


  • Leanna-bean
    June 22
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for your entry and good luck!

  • SapereAude11
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    You always hope that the people that are in the situations you depict here can make it out alive... some do, and some don't


  • TheSexyOne
    May 19
    Edit | Reply

    WOAH

    well thought out and its a great poem thanx for entering


  • Denerica
    April 19
    Edit | Reply
    Powerful write, excellent piece. Blessings.


  • Serenity-words
    April 16
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing, just creat job, and welcome to the finalists list.
    ~Serenity

  • Bob Fox
    April 12

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo

    In this write I can find nothing that I could dissuade. For a younger poet your have great insight into the hatred and disdain we humams have for each other. & yet you speak of hope and Justice. There is a place for you & your words. I bow to you.


  • alpPDCjr12
    April 1
    Edit | Reply
    Nice job! Reminds us of why we shouldn't discriminate based on a perosn's background.


  • perfectsunset gold member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. this was so powerful & deeply inspirational.
    Excellent use of metaphors and stunning imagery used to portray such pain and trauma.

    This was most definately an amazing write.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • LovelyLauren
    March 11

    Edit | Reply
    I won't write about all the things I loved about this. I think you would get bored reading my comment. So, I will leave it at this...your words are truly remarkable.

    Lauren


  • poet360
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    wow the imagery in this is amazing!! this whole poem is amazing! the methaphors are amazing! The concepts are amazing! I'm using the word amazing to much...oh well your poem deserves it! Great write!!


  • Heroesrox
    February 18
    Edit | Reply
    brilliance penned here! Thanks so much for the share! Best wishes to you.


  • sanguigno
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    hmm it deffinatly makes me think. i find it horrible that things like this have and still do happen

    -thanks for entering!


  • pinksnowboots
    January 28

    Edit | Reply
    Certain lines sound a tiny bit awkward, but other than that, this is powerful and sad. It calls attention to the all-too-real problems of many high school students. Thank you so much for entering.


  • Luciferschild
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    weird but good, i think it needs to be condensed a bit but besides that a good poem thank you for entering and good luck


  • Desire gold member
    January 18

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent~

    Powerful piece You have penned which grabs the reader with a message that needs to be heard-
    so much is happening- has happened in this world some are not even aware the good times also bad times~ The pain and struggles many have had to go through and still are enduring
    Love the words: Street corners held hostage by heroin- Powerful depiction of what thrives in some cities-
    Each stanza gives another story not shared on the news- the last line grabs hard
    Bravo!
    Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
    -Throws confetti-
    Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo


    Thank You for sharing Your Heart and Voice~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    January 16
    Edit | Reply
    Very strong imagery and powerful emotional depth

    Well penned


  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    December 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for following my simple contest rules! Much appreciated!

    The description in this piece is lovely and bonus points for utilizing a word bank - one of my own personal joys as a writer.

    I enjoyed the person to person contact that this poem gives and as a reader, I identify with a number of different standpoints.

    Thank you very kindly for your entry & good luck in the contest!


  • BrittlesSkittles
    December 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is bittersweet and the delicate events and issues are revealed beautifully with your words. you relate to many problems and depressing truths in this world and i thank you for that. this is beautiful. i am sure you are extremely proud of yourself. thanks for the entry =]


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    November 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem spoke to me in a special way because I am a high school teacher and I went to school in Los Angeles. I know that my school is making a concerted effort to reduce truancy and boredom while addressing the issues of English as a Second Language and cultural mores.

    I think the sign of a successful word bank poem is that the reader has no idea it was incorporated at all. Very well done. I look forward to your entry in the next round. Peace, Liz


  • Deformed Duck
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love it! Thats all I can say!


  • peregrin
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hits high. This is good.
    Different, but good.
    The concept hits home...

    Soldiers of sapphire tears and coral colored knives
    Charisma of bittersweet leaders incite battles for hate
    plastic wrap strangles a targeted soldier in the night
    Chained to pain- caught by death's bittersweet embrace

    This one...
    Perfect, I love it.


  • Butterfly.Wingz
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow great work with the wordbank!!!!! I can relate to this alot and send you my praises on this write!!!

1 - 34 of 34