Love.Hate

Can't tell you how i feel...
Because I don't even know myself.
Found out by someone else,
didn't you feel the need to tell me?
Didn't you think i deserved to know?
Instead,
I sit here,
and I can feel the life around me turn dull...
turn gray...
and I don't think it'll go away.
I can feel my heart fifty times worse then before,
and fifty times stronger it's consumed with hate for you.
Hate where love once made it's room.
I don't want to lose who we were,
but there's nothing that can stop it now.
You've chosen our paths,
thrown us down this never ending spiral
where all i want is to get away from you.
All i want is to take you aside and scream,
for all that you did,
and didn't do.
And i guess it hurts,
this knowledge,
this THING that's taken place.
But i'm not really sure,
because I can't say where i am right now.
Where i want to go...
I don't even know,
if i want to go there with you...
I don't think i still do.
I think you've finally pushed me away,
so far that there's going to be no coming back.
I won't return to the way we were,
and we'll never be normal again.
You've damned us.
And more,
You've damned yourself.
Thinking that i'll stick around for the final act..
sorry, but you're screwed.
You'll finally wake up and realize i was there,
and i'll be off with the guy who was there for me instead.
How can you expect anything more,
or less?
After all that you've done?
How would any of that work now?
When it's to late for me to breathe past the lump in my
throat,
or the pain in my chest?
When i have to block out all thought of you,
all memories?
There's nothing left inside of me but regret.
I regret all the time i wasted on you.
All the times i went out of my way,
turned my back on my friends.
I regret the way that I let you do as you pleased.
Perfectly content to just sit back and let you take the
reigns.
But most of all...
I just regret you.
Knowing you.
Having to pick up the phone everytime you call...
Having to see your face everytime we all get together...
and having to know,
that we're headed to the same place.
I regret everything about you.
Especially that you managed to turn me into the fool,
when you felt the same way.
I can't wait until the day,
when i finally never have to say your name
ever again.
This whole entire thing between you and me,
has now,
come to an
end.