The wind is cool and riddled with
The well known scents of wild flowers.
And the lake abounds with fish in bliss
Who taunt the stalking crane
Which sleek and lanky towers,
But stalks in vain!
And at my feet, the cricket frogs
Are hopping calmly on the shoreline.
They're hardly frightened of the dogs
Who's feet know all the paths before mine.
The wind creates each rolling wave
But though there's movement all around me,
In that short spanse, I'm not a slave
To time, to work, to fate.
Sweet Nature's force surrounds me;
The world can wait!
But Eden's walls have long been gone;
Life's pointless duties always calling.
I can not stay, I must go on,
With heavy heart, my spirits fallling.
I mourn the day that man first sinned,
That Eden's walls of glory tumbled.
The bliss of life forever thinned,
A burden on us all.
What other wonders crumbled
Beside my soul?
Oh! I belong in Eden. No -
I doubt I'm worthy of its wonders.
My soul is dying for it though
For this dull life will drag me under.
The wind moves on. It's all the same.
If only it would howl my name...
Author notes
My soul lays before you.
Judge as you will.
For your words will not change me.
I'll dream these things still.
A contest entry
- I want it raw by Travel Notes.
600 points, ended September 14, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Wow, this is powerful. This is one of those poems that you read in class against your will, and though you form all your preconceived ideas of what it will be about judging by the theme, those ideas are shattered by the writer's flawless words.
That's how I feel about this piece. I knew there'd be lovely rhyme, since that's what you do (
) and I was looking forward to the imagery and intense variety of words, but I wasn't expecting something as well . . . different. You take the preconceived ideas of what Eden is like and shove a whole new perspective in the reader's face, as if to say "maybe that's what your Eden looks like, but this is mine!", and I appreciate that. I do. You do poetry more than justice, and it's beautiful.
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There is something unerringly beautiful about this . . . and it resonates deep within me, because I feel much the same way . . . desiring, but unworthy.
\\I can not stay, I must go on,
With heavy heart, my spirits fallling.\\
That's just about the perfect description of me. So utterly amazing . . . congratulations on the greenie; you might consider entering this in one of those green-to-gold contests
Best wishes,
~Z
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Great piece!
I always think of Eden when I see morning glories, blue or purple...reminds me of the trumpets of the morn, a new beginning...Wonderful write! Keep on penning!
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A wonderful poem full of depth and longing. Ver meaningful and powerful in its imagery. Brilliant.
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Imagery oozes from each stanza as well as the thoughts from within
Sad was the last stanza in full
Best wishes
Julie
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Wondrous ...
and somewhat sad ... yet hopeful ... Do we not all feel about Eden in this way?
Love
Myra
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A fabulous expression of deep longing in vivid detail and vibrant dreaming fashion...the tone is both blissful and restless, a fine combination. The form is very nicely set and the style is compelling. Best of luck to you in that contest. Oh and three extra cheers for that author's note! , Dannie
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