...coming up behind you so quietly,
and then kissing the back of your neck softly....
my breath lingering like a branding iron against your goosebumps....
you turn your head slowly toward the delight....
and yet away,
because you cant handle the simpleness
without knowing the complexity
of my lips
...and thoughts...like flames against wet glass...
sizzling
diverting
little
droplets
in every direction
each drop escaping
right before the boiling point
popping, snapping,
turning back
into a warm melted drizzle,
like the sweat on your back
when you make me you
...and by the way...hello darling...
A contest entry
- Somebody out there has to be getting some sooooooo by jcat.
600 points, ended September 14, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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wow, its wonderful to be secure in a relationship enough to say hello to each othe that way..
im very secure in mine then :]
hehe, greeat write, loved it.
eleno
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ooooh! I just had to read this before going to bed alone! This is both tender and HOT! A great read, a wonderful match for the picture, and the last line is just great. Loved this! Best of luck in the contest.
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Great job here Jen, awesome pic too!
Antonio
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sizzling, in every direction
Terry park remind me of this poem. I can picture the trees the rocks and the cool droplet falling over my skin. Will there be another Terry Park experience again. I sure hope so.
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Snapping, popping....
You can be sure of one thing,if there is a moment in Terry Land,it will be a delicious picnic including dessert.
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Thank you for reading! Have a great week!
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This is really a wonderful story of the love and its wings around the life..I love it..well done..and my thanks for sharing it ...
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I really enjoyed this...my favorite line was, "because you cant handle the simpleness without knowing the complexity of my lips"...
it is september, you need to write more, lol.
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I loved the poem and the picture, however, I think it would be more enjoyable if it had been left aligned.
This alignment is distracting and takes away from the poem.
I enjoyed the read, once I got over that part.
Well done.
Slayer -
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thank you for your review and comments. I struggled with the alignment also. It IS indeed aligned LEFT already. I will have to go in and manually find a less chaotic format. Suggestions welcome. This was written off the top of my head "as if thinking present tense" ..that is how it ended staggered as such. I want to keep the feel as if its being thought or mumbled softly at the current moment. I appreciate your reply.
Jen
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Hello to you too! lol
Beautiful work and I love this picture
that you chose for this write. Great
format and imagery that flows throughout
it. Well done and good luck to you here!
Jeremy0826 -
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Smile
Thank you for your comment! It is appreciated! This is my first day back on here. I have many poems to get out of my head and into posting. Stay tuned for more sizzling hello's. Peace, Jen
PS- Did you read "Please DO"?
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