He shaved his weathered face,
though not close enough
so that the scene would be hidden
by a cruel crimson smog.
Poor irrigation
on dense british soil,
and absence of organization
in dense british politicians
result in overflowing promises,
received most distastefully
by a disgruntled public.
All the grain is flooded with confusion:
sudden streaks of anger lurk
within predominant tranquility;
not so widely heard when first they appear,
but now a whole nation is livid:
can you not taste the resentment?
And when the calendar announces
the next electoral harvest is due,
he summons his razor in an instant.
However, today the blades are blunt;
citizens have lost patience
with this charmless leader.
Do pray that the warm horizon
blinds the voter's vision.
Do pray.
Author notes
Wrote for an amazing painting called 'Flooded Stubble' by Tom Barron (option 2)
Slightly polished but perhaps still not quite the finished article
A contest entry
- Tom Barron Scottish Landscape Painter, Artist & Musician Multiple Prompts Contest by Kazytc.
2400 points, ended September 16, 2008, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow this is epic!
You have penned something very powerful here, it is so alive and your poem is amazing as it is as if you were there writing about what you see whilst actually being right there in it, that takes phenomenanl talent and ability of a special magnitude. Lovely sentiments and choice of descriptives too, well animated and deeply thoughtful and observing. Great essence and ambiance here as well fantastic you are an unusual and unique writer.
Love it, well done, bravo!
Poetic Hugs & Thanks for entering our contest and best of luck to you too!
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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As you asked for comments through the winklings, I assume that you'd like a more critical review...if that's not what you were aiming at, please ignore my ramblings (I feel so insecure with commenting since there's no more "critical" button to check, so bear with me)
Firstly, let me compliment you on this poem. I honestly think it's great -- the imagery you chose is intriguing and interesting, and also very consistent throughout the poem. The blood/razor and harvest themes do a lot to add to the whole write. I also find that there is an interesting twist on 'fullness/richness' imagery, meaning that words like "overflowing" gain a rather negative connotation, which is not the typical thing to expect (which is an entirely good thing).
I believe stanza 1 is a good start and certainly gets the reader interested in what is yet to come. Stanza 2: Firstly I would like to ask if "british" is spelled without capitals on purpose? I just stumbled over it and realise that very often people prefer to write without capitalisation (I am guilty of that myself), so I was just wondering. You also have a lot of run-on lines in this stanza, which I personally don't feel are necessary. There is nothing wrong with them, I simply would personally consider to rearrange the stanza slightly by keeping the main information of the verse in the same verse, maybe similar to something like:
"Poor irrigation
on dense british soil,
and absence of organization
in dense british politicians
result in overflowing promises,
free for the public
to create opinions from."
This of course removes the anaphora in line 6 and 8. It's definitely worth to consider to keep it (along with the resulting run-on lines), but personally I would definitely not do a line break in the last two lines of the stanza.
I adore the starting line of stanza 3. It's an amazing image, which is additionally consequently continued with the beginning of stanza 4. The imagery in stanza 4 is generally very strong -- "electoral harvest" is fantastic in my opinion. I would like to suggest a small change in line 21, however: "However, today the blades are blunted". Personally, I believe "However, today the blades are blunt" would have a stronger impact, making the whole verse a little bit more pragmatic. I realise that this alters the meaning slightly, and it's just a suggestion -- there's nothing wrong with the line as it is.
The ending lines of the poem are again brilliant. The repetition works perfectly and concludes the poem very nicely.
All in all I found this to be a great poem with some very potent and intriguing imagery that frames the poem wonderfully. It is very hard to write political poetry without sounding overly ranting, disillusioned or angry -- and I think you managed to bring your message across without doing any of the above. So, after all this nitpicking I must say this is a great poem, and I enjoyed reading it immensely!
All the best to you,
Anna
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This is perhaps overly angry to make the points that you want, gunning after politicians is hard enough to do in prose but, in verse, almost impossible. Nevertheless there are things here to admire - not least of which is your unique take on the picture prompt. A point of English - the preposition "from" should not end a line. For a powerful attempt I must happily give you some clappers.
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the imagrey is amazing and very vivid great jo
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Your poem has inspired me to look up
more about Tom Barron. This poem is well written with great line brakes, pathos without sentimentality. Leading and apt title. The first stanza is a grabber. Loads of information delivered with careful word and phrase choices in a almost resigned tone that makes the end line devastating. Fantastic.
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"..he summons his razor." Razors as a political ploy. I love it.
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Wow. This is great! I wouldn't have written something like this from the picture, I never would have thought of it. You did a wonderful job with the prompt! Great work!!!
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Amazing poem, too!
WOW! Kaz, this is stupendous! I didn't see the painting, but the history is super! The images are out of this word and very sharp, clear, vivid! I'm livid with jealousy over this fine work and your talents (just kidding about the jealousy part) -- this is a very fine poem! Good luck in the contest! This certain to be a winner!
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I'm so impressed by your youthful ability to write such a poem as this...with it's political overtones. How often in history government has been conceived on promises and cut throat tactics not to be trusted!
I, too, looked up the prompt. Quite honestly, I would not not have thought to write something like this. Kudos! The only thing I saw, technically, is this line, which ends in a preposition..."create opinions from." It is acceptable, but not as powerful as it could be if you extended a metaphor.
You are very talented.
I'm glad I saw your request for comment.
Karen
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What a marvelous twist you have applied to this prompt!
I was impressed with the write, even before I looked at
the picture. The combination of both is quite amazing.
Blending a fallow field with politics...who would have thought it!
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A vent! A good response to the prompt. I have a problem with the tenses in stanzas 2 and 4 changing from past to present. And maybe the 'Do pray' loses impact a little. The narrator is now instructing. Perhaps "He prays" or "They pray" would maintain the poetic distance better.
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Nice piece!
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Wow, you are seeing a lot in the piece, what imagination with a vein of politics, thanks !!!!
Tom -
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Thanks for the kind comment, but I have made significant edits to the piece because I had to reall rush it last night
I think (hope) it now carries some force and real context
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