Let me smile, or let me laugh
Or let my brow knit deep with pain,
But never let me wear a face
Unweathered by the sun and rain.
Let me ache with unshed tears
Or let me choke from joy repressed,
But never let me lie alone
And endless void to fill my chest.
Let my heart be cherished soft
Or let it in the dust be crushed
Or let it throb with fears and hopes,
But never let it lie untouched.
Let pain teach me a deeper love,
And hope teach me to live again;
But, be it sweetness, be it gall,
O never let my life be vain!
Author notes
Iambic tetramemeter, rhyme abcb
Written between spring and fall 2008
Open to suggestions for word choice and line structure.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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struck a nerve
Profound write, Jocelyn. It feels like the past several years of my life I have been slowly declining into this pit of anti-emotion. A lot of it I credit to college... some of it has come from the desire to be an objective thinker. What I know is, I feel like I've lost a part of me. And recently I've been doing everything I can to gain it back.
About the poem itself, obviously I believe your message is significant, and you have conveyed it effectively. I do have a couple comments on style and form.
The meter was fine and your rhymes were well-executed. Usually, I avoid taking advantage of "again" for its archaic pronounciation (a-gayne; vayne - know what I mayne? I'm so cheesy, I swear.)
In any case, this was very moving to me. Kudos on the success! I always look forward to your contributions to AP.
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I'm extremely impressed with your message and ability to pen it so professionally~I felt like I was reading something from CS Lewis or someone of his caliber. Nice to see you on the site again- I don't stop in often enough, but try to get here a couple of times a week just to catch up on reads.
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I lvoe the last stanza... brought this together perfectly! Great job on this one!
Best wishes,
Frogz~ -
Your last line sums it up nicely...beautifully penned. Thank you for entering the contest. I like this very much.
Sam
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Wonderful indeed with a terrific message of life and beautiful tone to present..I love it and my thanks for sharing it..
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