The velvet night surrounds me,
As I fly, free, through the skies,
To flee this burning world,
With its sorrow, hurt and lies.
I’ll taste the sweet scent on the air
Of angels’ trilling song,
Of love and joy and harmony
For which I always long.
I’ll fly free 'til soft dawn breaks,
Across the lands, away,
‘Til I reach my land of dreams,
Embrace the joyous day.
My soft lips will kiss the Sun,
And bless it from afar;
It shines sweetly, like a dream,
My golden dreaming star.
A contest entry
- Shine Your Light For All To See! by femurlee.
600 points, ended September 24, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn those greenies into gold (or silver or bronze) #6 by whispernthedark.
700 points, ended September 27, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short and sweet by poetyaknoit.
550 points, ended December 8, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagery, Emotion, Imaginatinon by Commodore Rouge.
1050 points, ended November 30, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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This is one of the best fricken poems I have ever read...that first line..amazing. it made me feel like I was flying.
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woot woot
this is a really fine piece of work, fabulous imagery, and a really good flow, read outloud it drips off the toungue like honey from a spoon
nicely penned
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this was a very pretty piece, your words were soft and flowed well with a nice cadence. good job on this. nice write.
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*smiles* lovely! don't we all long to up and go sometimes? but we shouldn't walk around with our heads in the clouds, people should stand up to the hurt and lies. but i love your imagery, you had me almost flying with you. makes me think of Heaven
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Hey that was very creative wording, well done. Longing for harmony but this write seems full of harmony. Best of luck in your contests.
Jay -
This is beautiful!
I'm impressed, girl! Very inspirational and vivid.
You have a very good diction, too.
SAT word of the day much?
Great write! Keep up the excellent work! You are definitely one poet to watch!
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Thank you so much! So nice of you to comment on my work!
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wow rilly good!!
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it has a magical feel to it, i really like it
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Thanks mel!
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what a truly beautiful scribble. I love "velvet skies" just beautiful imagery. Sublime poetess!
Love and serenity to you,
Ocean
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Aw thanks Ocean
I hope you had a wonderful Xmas!
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beaiutful poem
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This is a beautiful, uplifting poem. It has a reflective and spiritual feel through the awesome imagery of velvet skies, angels and stars. very well thought out and written. My only critique is how you deviate from your rhyme sequence in the last line with "afar/stars." Otherwise a superb write indeed...alby
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Beautiful! Your imagery is coated lightly, but it gives such a lovely effect! I feel like you're sweeping me off into your own magical world, and it gives me a peaceful feeling. You rhyme well, but I was curious as to what this poem would sound like without rhyme. I'm not meaning to insult you by any means, but I was just curious, because I think this poem could work both ways.
I also like how this poem ends,
"It shines sweetly, like a dream,
The sky rains down with stars."
It doesn't necessarily leave the reader "hanging", but after reading the last line, there's a silence that echoes like after an orchestra strikes the last note, and playing in one for eight years leaves that memory vivid, as does this poem. Again, this was a beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing with me.
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Wow, thank you so much for this thoughtful and kind comment!
I see where you're coming from with the whole rhyme thing. I may indeed rewrite it without the rhyme - it would be good practice for me, seeing as I've never really written in prose before. Thanks so much for all the great feedback
Have a lovely day 
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LOVE THE IMAGERY!!! well written. Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing, ~TC
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Thanks!
have a lovely day
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Wow! Keep the good stuff coming.
Immersion into the world of your aspirations is what this poem screams...A sublime write. your use of rhyme is also splendid. I really enjoyed when you have penned here.
much love and serenity to you,
Ocean.
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Thanks so much for your kind comments Ocean!
Very nice of you
have a good one x
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Beautifully Intoxicating!!
Thank you for sharing your muse's bright and hopeful dreams with all of us. Wishing you all the best, always!! Peace, Cyn
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Aaw, thanks!
All the best to you too, have a lovely day x
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I Loved This
Oh just to fly away from our pain and sorrow into your dreams. Just brilliant. I loved the flow of your poem here. Thank you for sharing with me. I want to fly away myself, oh and the imagery with emotions is astounding..
Blessings
Kelle Marie
stavykm
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Aaw thanks so much Stavykm, that's so nice of you, made my day
peace and love to you. <3
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thanks nilav!
you kind words make me smile!
peace and love to you. xx -
the flight from this world of sorrow and hurt and lies was really exciting ...your words carried me to heavenly heights...the rhyme is appreciable too
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Beautiful imaginative words, Summer Moon, and I can imagine
how uplifting it is for all those who are lucky enough to read them.
Tamborine... -
Thanks so much for your kind words deepheart, I really appreciate the feedback!
peace ♥ -
Ah, to fly free. What a wonderful dream indeed. I could wish that all possessed such passion to pursuit such a lofty ideal. You convey a serene love of unhindered life in this poem. Such soft wording met with unforgetable imagery.
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Aaw thanks lemon you are too sweet!
keep smiling!
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One of my favourites of yours So beautiful, the flow is just great and the words work so well together.
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Thanks Autumn!
Love your sister,
Summer xxx -
Wow
This is so beautiful... Great imagery, lovely write!
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Thanks Rose Angel
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This poem deserved the gold!
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The rhyming and flow is grand in this piece, and it is a delightful read! so delightful I am bookmarking it!
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Thanks so much michaeline and killme-kissmerio I'm glad you both liked it!
Summer Moon xx -
This is really good.No wonder you one honorable winner.You were really showing your talant for a upbeat and unique way of looking at this.I would never thought that you are so young.Looks like you have wriiten for many many years.Great job I enjoyed reading this glad that I got the chance to read this.
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very beautiful i loved the images that you brought to life my favorite part of this was "Of angels’ trilling song,
Of love and joy and harmony
For which I always long."
it was just beathtaking...
every good write...
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Thanks Ylova
Love and Light 
Katie -
Wow! This is really beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. The flow and the rhymes were perfect and you paint a very vivid imagery with words for the reader and that is what's so great about the poem. Keep up the good work. I look forward to reading so much more from you
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thanks Swim! I really appreciate the wonderful feedback!
that's very kind of you, thank you once again
- Katie
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Your rhyme scheme, flow and meter was absolutely immaculate. Your use of a wide range of vocabulary that I have seen in your other works shows here, but not so strongly, keeping it at a level that is easy to read and enables me not to have to take out my dictionary and thesaurus to understand parts of it. You portrayed the idea of flying in a creative and unique manner with beautiful and serene imagery that really gave the poem some spark. An overall great write which I love dearly
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
Uplifting. Very nice poem, thank you so much for sharing it with me. Good luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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Thank you so much, storiesuntold! Very kind of you to say so.
I'm glad you liked it
Best wishes always
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One of the most lovely writes I have read
You penned this with excellents and such a warm feeling to how life should be
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Thanks Gaby
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I loved it
Hi Katie,
I loved this poem. I felt like I was flying as well.
x
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This has amazing imagery! Every line and every word, is beautiful!
Love & light
Debbera
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Thanks Donutninja, it's very kind of you to say so, I'm glad you like it
- Katie
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I think this poem is good
This poem shows a flare for weaving dramatic and artful words, it was entertaining.I think you may have a talent beyon dyour years.Good Job
Donutninja -
This takes off and it moves the reader into new heights! Your rhyme scheme works well too. Peace.
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Beautiful. its inspirational and emotional. I love the fantasy in it, Every breath of it is fantasy, but faces the harsh reality's of this world. Truly beautiful.
Keep on writing...
x
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