The gas fills the air
Creeping slowly through the window
The man sits there rigidly
Knowing that now there is no turning back
He starts to feel a little drowsy
Memories go floating through his mind
Jumble together
making the memories unfamiliar and far away
His head starts to droop a litte
And his note slides to the floor
His body relaxes
He eases into a slump
His eyelids droop down
His breath labour intensive
Gasping for air
He fumbles for the door
the gas has taken over his sense
In his mind he is opening the door
Running back to his family
Saying he's sorry
In reality he is slumped on the chair
Unconscious, leaving the world
Author notes
I chose option 11 suicide. This is about my uncle who killed himself in 2001. He was struggling to keep up with child support payments and never got to see his little boys.
A contest entry
- Options~~ =) by Ti Amo Te Quiero.
360 points, ended October 10, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
write your honest thoughts and opinions on the poem
Comments
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I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. Personally, I made many attempts on my own life in my teenage years, but it's because of stories like yours that I don't think I ever will again. In my opinion (and don't take this personally), suicide is selfish, since it's always easier to leave than to be the one left behind.
As for the poem itself, a lovely(yet sad) portrayal of grief and pain. You seem to have invaded the suicidal mind on quite a personal level, made it more real for the reader.
My favourite part was this one:
"In his mind he is opening the door
Running back to his family
Saying he's sorry..."
That is exactly the emotional punch to the face that I, as a judge, look for in poetry. Thank you for sharing this with us, and know that, if you ever need to talk to someone, I am here for you.
Good luck in the contest.
Laura, aka Immortal
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Oh my Goodness
This made me cry. My grandfather, whom i never knew yet still love so deeply, commited suicide in this way to. The way you write i can relate so strongly and it makes me feel calm to know what writing has a powerful intensity to explain life experiences.
Thanks so much and goodluck in the contest.
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