Your presence, like an emblem hanging around my neck.
Knowing how you always stand beside me,
When there's a strain of heartbreak among me.
It's known that you will tie this lonely heart back together.
When the acrid and numb feelings shatter my world,
I find myself silenced and thinking of you.
Longing for your touch,
Like a withered rose in the winter.
The infinite pleasure of your churning vibrations,
Makes corrosive feelings drift away.
I began to remember aright why I'm here.
I dump my ashtray of wasted, ruined feelings I tried to hide,
Of the afterthought of my heartbreak,
That portrays this yet existent,
Nonexistent body.
Author notes
Ok I picked Option #1 Word Bank.
So far I think this is a rough draft and if you have any suggestions please let me know.
A contest entry
- Ultimate Challenge; Options Plentiful Otherwise by Kia Tenshi.
1700 points, ended October 15, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want honest opinions on this.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Poet
One deep and beautiful piece of petry you have pen. It shines like your neckless. & ty for reading my poem.
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That comment was oddd, excuse that -a small theme, amongst others here.
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Intensely loving, great write.
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Yes, acrid is correct.
I love the emotions that I get out of this...but there's also some hint of numbness as well...which I do not see combined often (or at least very well).
^w^ -
She didn't spell acrid wrong it's a different word than acid. Great write.
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first off I think you have a misspelled word...2nd stanza 3rd word you wrote it as acrid... I believe it may be acid? Though not real sure.
Also, last stanza 2nd word portreys... protrays (heck I am not sure i spelled that one right... no spelling genius am I).
This is good other than those few things. And those aren't even important ones.
. Rewarded 6
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