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He’s Only An Afterthought

He’s only an afterthought'. 

I stand' here naked, numb', ruined', 

wasting' away, hiding' my longing, 

churning', corrosive' nightmares.

It’s hard to find' an answer 

to the why of our breakup.

My tears for a nonexistant'

lover so gentle, so needed!

The strain' on my emotions,

our love gone astray', 

I may just die! You silenced'

my longings', you showed me 

infinite' understanding.

Now you’ve left me, tied' up 

with sadness and distress. 

I withered' away as acrid', 

fouled vituperation 

spate me out on blackened ground. 

What can I do? Without his 

presence' I’m lost in a churning sea 

foreshadowing' ruin' and drowning. 

keeping my ship of emotions aright'

is more than I can bear!

Author notes

Author's Notes:  This poem is my effort at using Option #1(Word Bank) of the contest:  Ultimate Challenge; Options Plentiful Otherwise

I used 21 of the 22 words of the word bank in my poem, I could not find a way to use the word "emblem" (sorry)!

'sell my soul, buy some love'

A contest entry

Are you over that last love affair?

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • Kappa Pyua
    October 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, good job my friend. Flow is really good and you almost got all the words in, not bad at all. Thanks for sharing with all of us. UNT


  • rockmama5
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful

    Very touching and personal- and something easy for readers to relate to, which of course peaks one's interest. I could almost feel your tears reading this.
    As for your question: I don't know that I'll ever fully get over any affair of "true love"...I think there's always a part of it that stays with you, long after it is over.
    Great piece!


  • charmander13
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ohmygod this is so good- I love it!

    And in response to your qn, I should hope so... because, really, the worst thing is that you're still holding on when the other party's long forgotten about you and moved on, huh?

    Awesome write again!


  • Polaja Greeters member
    September 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    This is an intriguing poem I liked the way you used ocean imagery - from the start with churning (made me think of waves and such) to the end with the actual mention of the ship. The poetic ugliness (that sounds odd but I hope you know what I mean ) of this poem is crafted wonderfully, and makes for a great read!

    Keep writing

    Polly


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    "I withered' away as acrid',

    fouled vituperation

    spate me out on blackened ground."

    Powerful language and image. well written verse.

    Three stanzas use first person language, first and last use second person.


  • Twinstar
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    This touched me in a personal way, I have felt this way before, and to my astonishment, I actully lived through it, obviously, since I am commenting on this deep and powerful poem. Great job! I could have written this myself a few years ago...

    Love & Light
    Debbera


  • Sandra R Reynolds gold member
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED

    Excellent write but very sad. Great use of the word bank.


  • just-an-amateur
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!

    Loved the vocabulary here, I think I picked up a few new words! Your imagery was stunning and I especially liked the line - "spate me out on blackened ground". My only suggestion is that at some points, the punctuation is a bit much. But that's only my opinion and it doesn't have to effect your piece in any way or form.
    Wonderful job!
    ~M~ :]


  • JustADutchie gold member
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!!

    Great use of the wordbank which you turned into a sad, but beautiful poem.

    ~Titia~


  • azure85 gold member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    An excellent write wuth the use of a word bank. You brought imagination and depth of emotion into your poem, very well done.


  • debilynn gold member
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!!

    a powerful write, and so much emotion within it.filled with lots of imagery. a meaningful piece of writing that touches the heart and stirs the imagination. thank you for sharing this. keep writing! God bless you always


  • trista gold member
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!!!

    I couldn't figure out what on earth all the extra '''s were for until I read over the contest itself. Very impressive use of the word bank, with emotions that spill across the page beautifully despite the bitterness and sadness I can sense throughout. Nice job!

    Best of luck,
    ~J.


  • Lauren Noir
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!!!!

    I love how in your poems you always ask a question, it makes me think of the poem in a way that takes it beyond your beautiful language and technique.

    I adored how there was a word bank! This is amazing,


  • DarkWind
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Well done although I found the apostrophes rather annoying it was truly a well penned poem following all of the parameters of the contest quite well. Well done.
    May Darkness Gaurd Your Path, And Stars Guide You.
    DW


  • Spiritual Nature
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!!!!

    That is pretty impressive!  Word banks are the hardest, but my favorite, because they are so challenging and you have to think out of your normal comfort zone.   I know this will sound weird, but I really like the line "spate me out on blackened ground...".  It is filled with emotion, passion and the death of love lost.  Great job, my friend.

     

    BLESSINGS & LOVE,

    Doris


  • Melodies
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED!

    Read through your splendid poem with admiration and when I saw it was a word bank I was doubly pleased with what you wrote. Smart and tender, quite dramatic and fine!


  • PhoenixFaith
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United

    Wow, what a poweful write, and so much emotion within it. A great piece to read and wonderful imagery. You have a great skill. Beautiful write and great job. Keep it up.

    Always write from the heart
    Never give up
    Kate


  • Haiku-bless-you gold member
    September 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Bandits United!

    This is a powerful write of raw emotions and betrayal. You have put together a meaningful piece of writing here that touches the heart and stirs the imagination. The fact that you have crafted this poem using a word list is even more amazing! Well done!

    Dennis


  • ml12
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    BANDITS UNITED

    Congratulations on the use of the words, they fit seamlessly. I could tell right away who you were talking about but I'm not sure whether it was because I've read your work before or because it was just obvious. Anyway, I enjoyed this and I liked the way you explained your ideas.


  • Sandygram silver member
    September 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent Write!!!!!!

    Hello, You have penned a very heartfelt poem.
    Beautiful imagery within a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing. This was a pleasure to read this morning. I and many others can truly relate to your words. Take care.

    Blessings,
    Sandy


  • kountryann
    September 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    good work.like it.


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    An excellent word bank attempt for contest!Pretty convincing poem of love gone wrong.. Sad ending...clever write!


  • Kia Tenshi
    September 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice. I like how you worded "he's only an afterthought".
    I would have to say my favorite line is
    "keeping my ship of emotions aright"; the imagery is wonderful!
    Good luck<3

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