As the dark of the night begins approaching quicker day by day
the leaves change colors and the tree tops sway.
The bright oranges, yellows and reds cover the mountain tops
while the leaves swirl on the road without a stop.
When you feel the crisp cool air blow gently over your skin,
you know that the arival of Autumn has truely started to begin.
Fields are filled with sky high corn and fresh scare crows,
and along the neighborhood homes sit pumpkins in rows.
While the changes of Autumn settle in through out the towns,
the color and spirit of the world truely changes all around.
♥
Author notes
So I'm writing this poem for a contest being held at my school. I'm basing it on how beautiful this time of year is. Please let me know what you think, how I can continue with it, and how I can improve.
A contest entry
- I Just Want Something Good by reckless abandon.
550 points, ended December 25, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Four Seasons: Celebrate Fall by Little Blue Bird.
605 points, ended November 12, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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lovely images of the season and its feel you capture in your lines.
nicely done.
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Beautiful
I like it just the way it is. I am sure this will be a good one for your school contest. Thank you for entering and good luck in both contests.
Although maybe you could improve it a little. Here is how I would do it:
Dark of night approaches quicker day by day
the leaves change colors, the tree tops sway.
Bright oranges, yellows and reds cover mountain tops
while the leaves swirl on the road without a stop.
When you feel crisp, cool air blow gently over skin,
you know that Autumn has truly started to begin.
Fields full of sky high corn and fresh scarecrows,
and along the neighborhood pumpkins sit in rows.
While the changes of Autumn settle in throughout the towns,
the color and spirit of the world changes all around.
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I love this time of year, and i think you are really starting to make a good poem out of it. I just have one suggestion, some of the lines felt like they just had too many words in them so it felt kind of jumble-y to read them. I guess I'd say try getting rid of smaller words that you don't really need. Great job though and thanks for sharing!
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Feels like Autumn
The crisp words you use and your color choice for the font really make this piece FEEL like autumn. I especially love the part "and the tree tops sway". I personally believe this really captures autumn, but I do think this could be extended - why not add something about pumpkins or something?
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Thank you so much! Actually I was thinking about making the next line about hay and pumpkins! I'm definately going to do that now. Thank you again!
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