& it was you, carbonating
from the corner of my lips
into laughter
amidst this plastic glass
of summer;
aspartame bubbled from your words
onto my cheek
when you whispered
over my shoulder, creating
dimples:
a diet I wondered
if I could keep up.
you must have stirred
some salt into this lemonade -
thirst quenched,
I hiccupped a sigh
& you thought
the lemon juice concentrate
hadn't yet diluted on my tongue
even though you had more
in your glass, you'd learned
that ice gradually melts
into sugar cubes
& I
sipped from a straw, cherishing
leftovers in the fridge
until I'd drunk every drop
of your smile (becoming mine);
you giggled behind your stand
with another.
Author notes
Now I can put this where it belongs 
In a list
A contest entry
- Favorite Poets & People: GreenHrtPaleMoon by Dienush.
500 points, ended September 12, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Pretty! This poem is so synaesthetic, and it still makes sense. That's so hard to do. Beautiful poem!
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But alas, without the sugar the lemonade can go sour. There is a moral here: the sugar is what overcomes the lemon's nature and brings the sour under control. For many people, they lose touch with the sugar over the years and are left with lemon juice and can't figure out what is missing.
Furthermore, the sour of the lemon keeps the sugar from being too sweet. It is in the balance that we find the perfect taste.
This is excellent . . . and obviously thought provoking.
Garrison
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Congrats on another very well deserved gold! This is exceptionally done. You dazzled with your usual brilliance of metaphor. Great one hun.
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.perfect; had this bookmarked for eras.
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You are absolutely fantastic.
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This is a very off-beat write. Refreshing would be an exellent word to describe it. Well done.
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Wow! This is just phenomenal. I can see how you won gold with this. The metaphor is brillant and it just lingers in the psyche! Fabulous!
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This is superb in content and execution. I applaud your very unique work in it. It certainly validates the Gold.
Thank you for excellence.
*Suggestion*
Were it mine, I would not
begin a line with the and symbol
of "&". It makes for a good title and
for some lines, but not cohesive for
something this fine. Just my take on it.
as from me...
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*smiles iridescently* I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you! I should, you are my gay lova after all.
I absolutely adore this piece. What I think I can appreciate most about it, is it stands all on its own. Even if you had not written it for me, which you did, it could be read by anyone and still appreciated. That is a wonderful thing to have accomplished. 
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lol, I thought that what you could appreciate the most about it is that it's for you.
but you know, if you want to prefer that it stands all on its own without you... your choice. lol!
&, of course, I love you toooooooooooo. ♥ though really, that's fairly implied already with this poem.
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personally I'd try "I'd drank and drunk" lol (but that uses that taboo coordinating conjunction!) (I once substituted & for one because it worked better... but only once...) then I'd try other words that keep the image intact, keeping an eye on how the meaning shifts...
I like these- they show craftmanship and actually have meaning, deep even...
I don't know how much satisfaction you get out of writing these- I'm referring to the phenomenon that artists sometimes create what they detest the most in order to please... for example, sometimes I know exactly what a contest host or group or clique or audience wants, but I cannot bring myself to write it without grimacing... (and wouldn't you know, it's what they like the most)(and I confess I am part of that audience- I think it is a human nature thing) I can't tell on this piece- I detect no emotions radiating from the style itself or the content, it's purely a cerebral piece...
a question I've always had about these is, did you gradually develop this style on your own, or was it a peer process, or a rewards issue, or is it what they're teaching in academia these days? (it doesn't affect the quality of the piece, which is high)... nevermind...! I've only given you four choices, and, reality being complex, I'll assume that it resulted from a bit of everything (and much more!), after all, it is the sum of our many influences and reactions that shape us (and what we create)
congrats on the gold!
age 19 already????!!!!!
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I'm not sure if this is a metaphor or an inside thing or both, but it's brilliantly written and vivid. Seems like a whole lot of people on here love Marty
This is very beautiful and you've followed up with the lemonade motif very smoothly. "i'd drank" should probably be "i'd drunk", but otherwise this is perfect. Thank you for entering this contest
~Diana
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ah yes, you're right. that would be better. *goes to fix that*
and thank you very much for your comment
yes, it does seem like lots of people on here love him. ♥ thank you for hosting a contest to honour him so that he can get all this love. *giggles and smiles*
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