I stood measuring equal portions
of imperfection
as my malnourished muse
flourished...
and fell
and I stepped closer
to conscience,
claiming discontentment
in unseen ideals.
I longed for the reappearance
of love
that once floundered
under the greying gaze of grief
and laughter that led mischief
over the contours
of playful caress,
as hurts hovered
beneath
the covers of comparison.
I reached injured-looking thoughts
that brought an array
of reasons
through seasons of surprise
and tasted tighter tinctures
within half-eaten sights
as eyes extended moments
of memory's desire.
I needed opportunities
to echo through time
and promises to grip
once lost lips of laughter,
as ice-coloured cares
whipped wonders with ease
and pleasing possibilities
spilled from hidden heights.
A solitary sigh
searched happier ground
as the sound of comfort
unwrapped bearable breaths
and the death of dormant pains
stained the soles of past's shoes
and dreams drew newer limbs
in fuller skies.
I wanted to turn wisdom
into a fountain of fortune
and place patience
inside saliva's steady seal-
walling-up wishes
within my own tales,
as a handful of pencils
sketched a lasting embrace.
A contest entry
- FREE VERSE--- ANY SUBJECT---1540 POINTS ALMOST NO RULES GOLD GETS 1000 POINTS COME SHOW ME WHAT YOU CAN DO, YESSA! by echo-ink.
1450 points, ended September 16, 2008, 26 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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i can see why you won a gold for this one... its an incredible piece... i particularly love this verse 'I needed opportunities
to echo through time
and promises to grip
once lost lips of laughter,
as ice-coloured cares
whipped wonders with ease
and pleasing possibilities
spilled from hidden heights.' thought that was just fantastic. keep up the great writing,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
I like your use of consonances. It gives the poem a sort of personality in my mind, changing over time as you flow from one repeating sounds to another
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'as my malnourished muse
flourished...'
good contrast.
'and fell'
to me, not necessary, but its not bad or anything.
'under the greying gaze of grief'
nice. good alliteration and cool image.
Stanza five is MARVELOUS!
'eyes extended moments'
I love that. I can't tell you why.
'the soles of past's shoes'
I've noticed this about your style. You have a tendency to use 'the ___ of ___.' Not a criticism or a compliment, really, just an observation.
I enjoyed the end. Not exactly wowing, but very pretty and sensual even.
Me likies...
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lovely...PK
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That was beautiful...
I felt like I could relate to it a lot, somehow...
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Awesome, My very fav. so far
Thanks for entering.
Bell
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and I stepped closer
to conscience,
claiming discontentment
in unseen ideals.
Those were my favorite lines. This was a very interesting and compelling read. I enjoyed it. Good luck in the contest!
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1 - 7 of 7
