Everybody thinks of me as a sweet little girl,
but of course I'm not.
I am not a dainty little princess,
I used to be, but forgot.
Deep inside,
I am very dark.
Nobody knows this,
but inside there is little spark.
I just can't figure out,
why I am like this.
It is a feeling deep inside,
that aparantly exsits.
I know that this has happend,
I can't tell you why.
It is just taking a hold of me,
sometimes I can't help but cry.
I getting lost in a confusion of darkness,
I hope I'll be alright.
I just need to keep searching,
forl that little bit of light.
Author notes
this is for a contest!!! but sometimes I really do feel like this
A contest entry
- Darkness and Love, Demons above by AbandonedAngel.
350 points, ended September 19, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Do you have emotions? by Forgotten Anomaly.
550 points, ended October 27, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like it?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like this poem, I feel like this a lot myself. Its is rather well writen but I found a few errors that I must point out:
Last line of second stanza:
but inside there is (a) little spark.
First line of last stanza:
I('m) getting lost in a confusion of darkness,
Last line of last stanza:
forl (for) that little bit of light.
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. -
You reminded me of me a little
-
You remind me of me when I joined AP :]
Anyway, the emotion in this piece is definitely it's strong point. A little polishing could help a lot, though.
Make sure you use the correct spelling unless you're doing some sweet play on words thing or something-- it's "apparently," and you misspelled the title and "happend." You may have done it on purpose, but it distracts from the rest of the poem.
Read the poem out loud to yourself, pausing at every comma and period. Does it sound better in some places if you don't pause, and just go to the next line? Like the last two lines, maybe. You don't need to punctuate every line.
I know that seems like a lot of critique, but overall I think it's a good write. :]
.:Marie:. -
Good write. We all question why we are what we are at times.
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I loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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