In the morning, when I open my eyes
I realize
The pain that I go through
Seeing you
May we never be more than this
Just empty bliss
I want you more than words could say
But she's in our way
Like always, it's better off kept unknown
As we sit alone
Thinking what could of been, if ever there
Looking into your blank stare
Seeing you from a distance in the hallway
Not today
not any day..
Author notes
i thought you had enough pre-writes, so i'm writing a new one from my heart. You don't have to understand the title, u just have to understand me...which no one ever does.
A contest entry
- Ego Trip by Theasp.
525 points, ended October 26, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
-
The one rule is a poem you don't think will cut it.
This is progressively infantile, rather cliche you need to grab a thesaurus, it sounds like Brittany Spears. you have a great deal of insight , but need to expand you language skills. The emotions can be expressed in so many words
such as:In the morning, realizing when I open my eyes
The pain I go through
Seeing you
May we never be more than this
I want you more than words could say
Like an invisible wall, she stands between us
Are we better off our love unknown
Sitting across from each other,
Not speaking
What could of been, if I had ever come clean
Looking into your blank stare
Watching you from a distance in the hallway
Not today will I be happy
not any day..
Keep working kid! i will never lie to you.
theasp
-
Indeed, there is nothing more tragic than a one-sided relationship. Of course, I am of the belief that there's no such thing as unrequited love; only infatuation, but you have still captured such feeling within this short verse.
Well done, and thanks for entering.
Laura, aka Immortal
-
awesome
this is a nice poem. A little romantic and a little sad at the same time.
Adding your comment:
