So far away,
can`t touch you now.
Wanting to reach you,
but i`m not sure how.
Needing to make right,
all that went wrong,
missing your sweet face,
its been oh so long.
Wishing for your heart to understand mine,
Dammit what i wouldn`t give,
to go back in time.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Don't look back. Always look to today and hope for tomorrow. You'll find it if you keep your heart open. I think is your cry for all that might have been, but you forget what is. Don't ever stop writing, you'll find out a lot about yourself when you go back and read your works later. You are such a blessing to me.
Mama
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ok
check, is the colloquial really desirable, how "poetic is it"? The feeling comes across very well and i was happy before reading it, now i'm not so sure lol it is a very poigniant piece of work, exploring heartbreak perhaps, you tell me. but that ' dammit' spoils it, it's like text speak. Try saying, damn it, make a good piece of work like this more formal because it's your tender feelings we are encountering. on the whole, good, but watch out for colloquialisms ad absurdum. -
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good.
this poem wasn't about lines or rules. it was about the emotion that you feel for this lose you could say. good poem. thank you for sharing.
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Wishing for your heart to understand mine, i can relate to this so much its ridiculour ! this line for me made the poem, great great use of words here !
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Superb
A very fine write, indeed. Imagery, rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done.
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