I must find the place of many beds
and scratch fresh keeping
clawing through the veil of viridescent soil
for veins of humic welcome
tracing marks along the spiraled vortex
wherein I rest within my skin
A contest entry
- Prewrites by leander.
730 points, ended November 30, 2008, 147 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I had two images in mind throughout: a cayote and a street person. Thank you for catching the 'v' s. I was not consciously striving for alliteration, though my muse offered these words to me.
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I like the alliteration with 'v' I found throughout the whole write actually.
It seems as if the whole poem bulks with turmoil, but the last line surely gives a feeling of tranquility.
Thank you for this entry!
Leander -
must find the place of many beds
and scratch fresh keeping
by clawing through the veil of viridescent soil
both sad and yet a brilliant poem. this is my fave bit of this poem, i think it is a good write and enjoyed reading it, well done for this write and i hope you keep up the good work. -
This is sad and brilliant. It has a detached deist qualitiy to it; at least, that is my perception. I hope this is not a personal elegy, for I would lament the loss of your words hereafter. I cannot gleam relevant meaning, symbolic or imagerial, from the fifth line. "Marks" from "Clawing" is my only waypoint, but "spiraled vortex" comes without reference. To appease a curious, questing mind, I beg of you a footnote.
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'clawing'---my metaphor was a fox or cayote, preparing the ground for a bed.
'marks'---I was thinking here of the imprints that a life makes within its own personal history.
'spiraled vortex'---I was thinking backward in time, to the previous "beds" that we we have made for ourselves.
These are all deep personal images, and it is no wonder that they do not transmute on first reading. In a very broad way, this is my description of the sheer task of living a life.
My thanks to you for your willingness to work through my poem and comment in such an honest and well intended fashion.
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