Your mark remains purple,
etched on porcelain skin.
Naïve young girl dreams,
starved
suckling for nothing
as
darkness in shadows
takes over
…time shall never be shared
beauty
and the smile
you once knew,
fade from your reach
while
screams echo, unheard.
I seek only
contentment in claustrophobic
confinement
and
slip further from reality's realms
and the simple dream
of ‘freedom’
being placed, within my hand
…with every passing day
Author notes
inspired by these lyrics ...song Your ex lover is dead, by Stars
“The scar is a freck on my porcelain skin,
tried to reach deep but you couldn’t get in.
Now your not sorry
you see all the beauty, that can’t tell your sin.
It’s nothing but time
and a face that you lose,
I chose to feel that you couldn’t choose.”
So yeah don't take this for anything more then poetic thoughts inspired by those words 
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Wow; this was exceptional.
You were very well-inspired as beauty
shines through your words.
Deep metaphors twined' within
& very strong images.
You really did an amazing job with
this prompt & original to boot!
Cheaaaaa Great write sis! Keep up
the excellent-o work
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Thanks SiS, this kinda randomly came out of now where lol
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Great Insight
Some of the best poems are inpired by the words of another. Don't sell yourself short. great read
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Thank you so much
Cindy
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Wonderful work to allow the reader to grasp images scared. The young girl drains dreams to slip into shadows. The beauty fades to scream in nightmare and fall deeper from simple dream of freedom. The flow is smooth the reader takes time to absorb the emotion as they stagger through stanza unsteady as the narrator groping for a hand to give strength and steady them in reality.
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Thank you so much for stopping in on this one
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Gotta agree with Jessica, you're normal style is more as she described - just as well you're back on here - looks like your style was slipping!
- like that's the reason I'm glad you're back!
But the imagery is clear, the words powerful. You should look to tidy this one up,
Wifey , it could be really good!
J -
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well der of course its slipping when i havent written in as long as I have...and my style has never been the same in my opinion
pregnant hormones -- I have tidied it up a bit and im not going to anymore, cause in a way its fake of me..when this is what truly came first etc
okay sorry hubby, like i said in msg feeling bit tired lol
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Good title--it definitely fits, and it's not mentioned anywhere in the poem, which is even better.
"Your mark remains purple,
etched on porcelain skin."
There's nothing wrong with these lines...in act, I like the imagery. But I think they could be tighter using less syllables.
e.g. "Your mark empurples
porcelain skin"
I think that says what you wanted to say in less words.
"Naïve, young girl dreams"
Why do you need a comma after 'naive'? You really don't...you could easily say "Naive young girl" in one breath. Some girl my age once told me you had to use commas after every adjective, but I'm finding that to be a bunch of BS.
"starved,"
"dreams/starved". Grammatically, (to me) this doesn't make sense. I think you should change that to 'starvation'...
Or maybe I am reading this weirdly in my head...
"suckling for nothing
as
darkness in shadows;
takes over"
Why the semicolon after 'shadows'? I don't think you need it. "darkness in shadows/takes over" could easily be read in one breath as well. Although...isn't "darkness in shadows" a bit redundant? I mean...have you ever seen a shadow made out of a piece of gold? I think you choose either 'darkness' or 'shadows' to make it shorter/snappier.
"contentment in claustrophobic
confinement"
Not sure if this was intentional alliteration or not, but this was surely as kick-ass as cookies...
I feel trapped reading these lines, and I think this was done really well.
"realities realms"==>reality's realms
It's a possessive form.
Good to see you back Cin.
Oh...and feel free to ignore all my suggestions, but I think you should fix the possessive form for sure.
Jessica
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Ahhh I been waiting to hear from my Jessica
I knew there would be a lot you would find, only cause well I am outta touch lol
So thanks darl
I realise now I should have this --
Naïve, young girl dreams
starved,
suckling for nothing
Like this --
Naïve young girl dreams,
starved
suckling for nothing
etc, so maybe yes it reads better, to make sense?
Cind's
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It reads better...now I understand (because I can be slow) that the 'starved' had nothing to do with her dreaming..
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hehehe yep
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Strong write Cuz and so very glad to see you writing again C
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Thanx Cuz
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You're back and firing on all cylinders honey
Your words are beautiful.
Love Mum
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aw Thanx Mum
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What a picture!
You created something amazing to go with it.
Nice work.
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Thanx, even though I added the pic after I wrote the words, but thought it seemed so appropriate lol
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