An eerie fog rises from the valley
As that fog rises the dead bodies tally
Concentrated gasses, blood drenched masses
Diseased ridden tyrants stare as death passes
Mutilated minds manipulated by time
Constipated by the grime trapped in their slime
Luscious dreams leveled by support beams
Dangerous, deranged serpents seeping seams
As they merge their way into the future’s forte
Living lavish lancing the lackeys for their pay
Meandering Neanderthals negotiating for it all
Secretly succumbing to the halls of a fearless fall
The grounds of oblivion often linger with peasants
Tirelessly trying to please pathetic residents
It is evident elementary minds marvel at this sight
Instead of standing still lets furiously fight for what’s right
A contest entry
- i dont know by VerminVomit.
702 points, ended September 14, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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What can I say Mo you have great talent I love all of your work.
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thank you for reading and commenting on this again. much love to you.
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love it
it's a perfect example of dark beauty. good job! keep up the good work. -
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thank you for your lovely comments. i really appreciate them. much love to you.
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You've got great stuff going on here! The flow and rhyme were perfect. The alliteration was to die for. And the content was awesome. I loved it through and through. Good luck in the contest!
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thank you for your great comments. much love to you.
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It was like a violent whirlwind that had somehow pulled me in and spun me around until I was dazzled with dizziness. I love the alliteration and the passion that burns behind the words. I trust you will do rather well in the contest. This is a wonderful piece.
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Thank you for your wonderful comments. much love to you.
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It is evident elementary minds marvel at this sight
Instead of standing still lets furiously fight for what’s right
Amen Dear Poet. Sounds like a rant I once heard Bukowski do. First interview ever, and I don't think the interviewer was quite ready for someone like him, so raw and passionate. This has the same tone, you're absolutely right. Alliteration, wow!
This is fantastic, best of luck in the contest,
jin
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Thank you for your great comments. much love to you.
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maddening meanings
maliciously meander throughout the mind, wandering
wearily whilst wanton wickedness weakens all mankind.. l.o.l. sorry you had me transfixed! so shoot me! l.o.l.
excellent kid!
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thanks for your support bro. much love to you.
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Wow you have a great way with your words
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thank you so much for your comments. much love to you.
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