suicidal

I WANT TO CRY SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!! I WANT TO CRY SO THIS WILL BE OVER. I WANT TO CUT SO I WON'T HAVE TO CRY SO THIS WILL BE OVER. I JUST WANT THESE THOUGHTS TO GO AWAY. I WANT TO FEEL OR CONVINCE MYSELF THAT PEOPLE ARE REALLY LISTENING BECAUSE THEY CARE AND NOT BECAUSE THIS IS AMUSING! GOD PLEASE!?! CURE ME! HEAL ME! MAKE ME BETTER! MAKE ME INJOY WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOES! TAKE THIS PAIN THAT SEEMS TO COME FROM NO WHERE AND PICK ME OFF MY KNEES! PLEASE GOD!?! MAKE ME A WUSS SO I WON'T TRY TO GO AGAINST YOU AGAIN. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HELL, BUT HOW MUCH LONGER IS IT GOING TO HAVE TO BE THIS WAY? IS IT ALL JUST ME? AM I SO USED TO SUFFERING THAT NOW...WHEN THE CONFLICT IS GONE...I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT THE AGONIZING PAIN??? PLEASE GOD! TAKE ME AWAY!