Something’s off
She seems much to perfect
Her skin so pale
Chalk white against the auburn leafs
They prickle under her motionless skin.
A bracelet on her wrist
Brown leather tight, her hand wresting on her rosy cheek
A black chocker on her soft strong neck
Hiding two puncture wounds deep in the flesh
A corset tightens around her bodice
Holding in all the things that got her there
Her short black skirt hangs loose around her waist
Such perfection leads too temptation.
She was born an ugly soul
Until she found herself in an alley late at night
A handsome man came up behind her
Blackness followed.
She awoke with a start in a shimmery bed sheet
It took her only days to get use to it
The hard partying the hard drugs and the sex
She fell down from a happy ugly girl
To a mysterious sexual object too the bloodsuckers ranking above her
On long nights at the local bar she was forced to do their bidding
Her perfect life was ruined as was her soul and her mind.
Racing from the city as far as she could
Flying far from everyone she knew and had known before
As she found herself sitting in the clearing of a large forest
She felt her heart flutter
A swooping sound came from behind her;
A large gust of wind fell down on her
As she felt a neck splitting pain her eyes closed gently
Her heart sped up, her head felt light, her soul felt tired
Falling into a deep sleep she felt her body fall onto the soft scratchy leafs.
Something’s off
She seems to perfect
As she lays on the leafs rustling in the wind
Everything has a beginning just as everything has an end.
Author notes
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x106/aleshaishere/Sad.gif
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt by Fallen Grace.
800 points, ended October 22, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Great write! You showed wonderful imagery throughout the entire poem. I would also suggest giving it a quick read-through to scout for gramatical errors. Overall, though, it was a great read.
Good luck in the contest ^^
-
I really like the beginning of this, your description is very detailed. Your poem could use a set rhythm or if you prefer the free verse style as you have here, maybe some punctuation to separate one situation from the other and give it a pause here and there or a period so the reader knows when one thing ends and another begins.
Over all your poem here is wonderful and has great description. I really like how you start off in the beginning and end almost the same.
"Something's off
She seems to perfect"
One note with the word 'to' here, it should be 'too' for the way you used it here.
You did a great job, your write fits with the picture very well. Good luck in the contest!
♥
-Kaela
Adding your comment:
