You and I in concert
Matched beat for beat
Our hearts begin mesh
A rhythmic melody
Fate is our conductor
And dreams compose our song
I’ll play you like a fiddle
We’ll sing it all night long.
Your heart beats in mine
Or maybe mine in yours
Though day will simply find us
One music, one soul, and one accord.
Author notes
By Gloria Chan
September 9th 08
A contest entry
- Love Lost or Found/ Rhyme Only by piccola.
900 points, ended September 9, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think about it? Put down creative comments-
Comments
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nice thoughts thank you for entering
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It's a sweet poem. I'd like to make a suggestion that in line 10 you change "mine's" to "mine" so that it reads as, "or maybe my heart beats in yours", which flows better from the previous line. Also, on line 12, too many syllables in one line disrupt the flow of the poem (which was very nice all the way through), and since it's the last line, it leaves a more jarring impression.
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