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Concrete Angel

Fists are flying
Words are burnig
Tears are flowing
Fears are building.

At school the teacher wonders
But she dares not to ask
And as the months pass by
Truth takes off his mask.

Long sleeves and bracelets hide the bruises
A leg broken from anger
Is passed off as an accident
And God is becoming te girls' enemy.

One night things went too far
And the truth finally came out
And now stands a concrete Angel
To symbolize the girl's courage.

A contest entry

What do you think?

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • A Lonely Soul
    May 12
    Edit | Reply
    You did a great job with this piece. I got teary eyed, mainly because of the song. I had a friend that died in 2000, and that song basically symbolized her life. She was abused/raped by her father, until he decided to finally strangle her and kill her. so yeah, it's hard reading anything with that title or even hearing the song. but good job with this, keep up the writes.
    much love
    ~~Tori~~


  • mari.masquerade.
    January 11

    Edit | Reply

    This is Fantastic!

    i've heard the song u based this on
    and u did a very good job!
    (p.s.
    ur profile is beyond awesome!!)


  • XXheartbroken3XX
    January 10
    Edit | Reply
    wow soooooo sad.....


  • Vlad St Howler
    January 9

    Edit | Reply

    Breaking ground...

    I don't listen to Martina McBride, so that helps in my comment.

    We are all inspired by music, songs, movies, stories, and etc. in some ways. Therefore it's perfectly OK to borrow something old and transform it into something new. It's all part of learning and creativity.

    I like the poem and I can't stand abuse in way or form. But!
    I also feel like there could have been more. It just feels unfinished. Other than that, keep up the good work.


  • Alive4aLiving
    September 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    very sad

    this song definitely reminds me of the Martina McBride song, though I still find it a very well written poem.

    The only criticism I have is that you may want to use spell check as there are many spelling errors..


  • TabbyCat
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is sad...but with an edge of hope. Reminds me of a certain Martina McBride song. Thanks for the entry.


    • RainbowEyes
      September 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i based it on that song, but i made it into a poem. not very original, but oh well


  • Paloszoo gold member
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What a sad and poignant poem, which addresses a serious issue in today's society. Abuse is far reaching and haunts many people. You've touched on this beautifull in this well written piece. Good luck in the contest!

1 - 10 of 10