i woke
to sounds
of a baby wailing
as if in pain
but my kids are grown
and gone
grandchildren live
with perspective parents
the search for infantile squeals
had me peeking in bottom drawers
and clothes baskets
to cautiously give aid
what did this cry mean
in the scheme of awake?
were these screams wandering
inside my dream state
a failed memory of self relapsing
conjured imagination gone array
following me like shadows
as past reminder
of haunting abuse
wednesday's child
a woeful soul
broke my slumber
to set anxious tone of day
with nervous jolt
i shut her out
and continued
to ignore
that lost little girl
within
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive critique please.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Pardon us for not stopping in sooner, Renee. We have both been so busy that getting around to commenting on everyone just became too much, so after a certain point we ceased doing so, however that doesn't mean we weren't going to stop in and read each and every entry.
And what an entry this is. Deeply poetic and spoken from the soul, but that doesn't surprise us much, seeing as who it was written by.
Thanks so much for entering and good luck.
-Kenny (loschung) and James (apples fell)
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I am humbled by your generous comment. Thank you both ever so much for your encouraging words of support.
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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The last two stanzas are so apt for closing up this poem and that day, and yes if we're at all sensitive to that child within we've felt this (sometimes without knowing what that unease is.. yet..) and you've captured it so affectingly here. Tender lovely write
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I feel this one in my bones, I tend to shut the door...but she's very sly and pops up in my verse even when I don't recognise her until long after, you know?
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A well written poem, sadness within it as well. You've described that situation perfectly.
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Sometimes it's a little hard to face the one from inside ourselves that calls a little louder until we listen..
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Deep and very heartfelt piece here. I love how you tell your stories. I enjoyed reading thid wonderful write. Best of luck in the contest.
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Mmm Perhaps it was telling you to let go and free yourself to do more things that you enjoy, it's sometimes not good to ignore than inner voice that calls so plaintively.
Slow down sis and smell the fresh air
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You took me on this journey with you, searching for something; and that search always seem to find answers looking within...loved this one...PK
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You carry that child well my friend. I see her peeking out in a lot of your work. Womderful!
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I had to go and look up that poem I am Thursdays Child - This poem to seems to be very melancholy - full of longing and wanting to go back to fix some wrong(s). The futility of that longing in the end is accepted and 'life goes on'.
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This was written in a way we all understand as we often leave us till last if even counted at all ...mac
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Such a poignant write!
with nervous jolt
i shut her out
and continued
to ignore
that lost girl-child
within
I find myself doing this every day, but we need to listen and hear what he or she is saying to us. It's the way to healing. I love this poem. Great job! -
sounds like
That soul was feeling some inner turmoil..but from the ending of this I can surmise you've resolved the conflict for now.. excellent self examination piece.
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A powerful, yet melancholy poem...
I'm also a Wednesday's child, born on that sad day in the time of no time, lost in a world of following Wednesdays... Love your spin on the woes of the crying child within. I'm glad she was found before it was too late, even if she is put back in the closet. At least she's warm, dry, and safe... Keep up the great work, Poet!!! Peace, Cyn
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This is very heartfelt Renee. I often see myself in this very way. I search for the girl I was... and sometimes, I run from her... learning to be content with today... and move FORWARD.
"to give aid to little one" is there something missing between to and little one or is it just me?
Beautifully done my sister/friend,
Criss
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